The Teacher Getting Off to ‘Boring’ Porn

This week, an American in Tokyo sees their boyfriend for the first time in three weeks, goes to a Tyler, the Creator show, and watches “boring” porn: 24, in a relationship, Tokyo

DAY ONE

6:45 a.m. Get ready for work, walk to the station, and read on the train.

1 p.m. Sneak off to eat lunch and read in a quiet office upstairs. A lot of the other teachers assume I don’t speak much Japanese, so I’m left alone a lot at work, which I appreciate most days.

I came to Japan mostly to live outside of the U.S. I studied the language and a bit of second-language acquisition in college. I’ve been teaching English here for about four years, and I’m unsure of my next steps. I don’t plan to move back to the States, but I want to figure out a more long-term career here. Even for foreigners, Japan is a relatively easy country to live in, and I can afford to live alone on a teacher’s salary.

5 p.m. Commuting. If I can get a seat on a crowded Tokyo train, I use it as distraction-free reading time.

6 p.m. Meet up with a friend for kakigōri, which is basically an elaborate snow cone. It’s funny to eat it for dinner, but we’re at a place that does interesting flavors.

My friend asks if I need to rush to my boyfriend’s place. B. got in this morning from a trip to Europe, and I’m nervous to see him. He’s been away for three weeks, which is the longest we’ve gone since we started dating seven months ago.

B. and I instantly hit it off after meeting on Feeld, which, in Tokyo, is mostly used by a small number of queer, trans, and non-monogamous people. We have similar interests and meaningful conversations, and we spend a lot of time together. He’s a really good boyfriend — always remembering things and surprising me with small gifts.

He’ll want to have sex tonight. I’m nervous about feeling obligated. I’m a week behind on my T shot after missing an appointment because of a work schedule change, so I’m not exactly horny.

My friend and I decide to have a little more dinner and go get gyoza and fried rice.

8 p.m. Go home to feed and play with my cats, then clean up a bit and head to B’s place, stopping for flowers on the way.

9 p.m. We’re catching up. B. says he figured he would pounce on me the second I walked in the door. I tell him he’s being very patient. I actually do want to have sex, so I start making out with him. It feels good to be touched. We both finish, and I fall asleep in his arms. I always fall asleep so quickly with him, which feels like proof of our compatibility.

DAY TWO 

8 a.m. Pretty often, we have morning sex. I’m not sure if I’m interested right now, and I think he can tell. We have breakfast and lounge around. B.’s sitting on me while we’re talking. He takes my hands and holds them above my head, which turns me on.

I kiss him, then start blowing him, doing the things he likes. It’s taxing on my jaw and tongue, and I can’t quite keep up. He says something about how I keep edging him. Oh, well. I move to using my hand. I’ve only ever been able to get B. off orally, and he normally finishes himself.

B. has never made me come without my assistance, but no previous partner has, either. I think it could still happen in the future. I have a complicated relationship to sex, and it’s taken a lot of work to feel comfortable having it at all. Before B., I never enjoyed it and always faked my orgasms. I appreciate B.’s patience and his interest in my desires. It helps that we’re both transmasc and understand each other’s bodies.

We finish, then shower.

2 p.m. After stopping at home to see the cats, I bike to the glass-blowing studio. Glass-blowing is my main hobby, and I go a few times a week. It’s nice to be away from my phone and brain for a few hours.

4 p.m. Go to the store, then home to clean since B. is coming over soon. I’m a bit exhausted by all the biking around town but excited to be back to spending so much time together.

5 p.m. B. and I catch up, then I make dinner. He does the dishes, which I’m always super grateful for. We sit in the hammock on my balcony, and he shows me pictures from his trip to his home country. He’ll go again next summer and vaguely asks if I’m interested in joining. I am, but it feels like a long way away.

Throughout the night, he says, “When you visit, you can try ____,” and it makes me feel like I’ve already committed. I want to go — I’m just not sure of what, exactly, I’m getting myself into.

11 p.m. We watch TV. I’m ready for bed, and he asks if it’s okay if he stays up. Maybe he has jet lag. We typically go to bed together and have sex, so this feels weird, but I say of course.

DAY THREE

9 a.m. We linger in bed. I wonder if he’s thinking about sex, and if I should tell him my sex drive is gone because I’m late on my T shot.

11 a.m. We go to the glasses store and try on a bunch of frames, telling each other which ones look best.

12 p.m. B. offers to cook, which is nice. We spend a lot of time at my place because I have cats, which results in me doing a lot of cooking and cleaning. I journal and read an article. I briefly wonder if I should be talking to B. while he cooks, but the alone time is nice.

1 p.m. Bike to the studio while B. plays video games and reads.

5 p.m. I prefer sex before dinner, and I can tell B.’s thinking about it when I walk in. I blow him while he sits in my office chair. My cat vomits the second he orgasms. I wish I were making this shit up. We laugh a lot, which is nice, then kiss for a while. I get off rubbing against him on the bed while he says obscene things in my ear. He gets off a second time while I finger him and he touches himself.

The plan is to eat dinner and watch a movie. He jokes that, after, we can go for round two. I dismiss it, but continue to wonder if we should talk about it. I don’t want to fall into a pattern of us only having sex when I agree to, with the assumption being that he’s always interested. But I figure that, once I get my shot, things will fall into place.

7 p.m. I make dinner. He does dishes while I pick at my face.

9 p.m. We watch Tár.

DAY FOUR

9 a.m. I make breakfast. B. has to leave earlier today, so I feel safe that sex is off the table. I normally have Monday off, which is part of the reason I’ve stayed at this job so long. A day to get my life in order after the weekend is heaven.

12 p.m. He leaves, and I finally get my T shot. After, I do solo karaoke in a private room, which is one of my favorite luxuries of living in Japan. It’s hard to find places in the city where you can be loud without worrying about other people hearing you.

6 p.m. I have leftovers and watch Crazy, Stupid, Love on my projector. When it’s over, I put porn on the big screen for the first time. This feels lewd, which turns me on more, and I masturbate. I genuinely like the most boring, simple porn, and sometimes wish I could just search “sex” instead of having to wade through countless “step-sibling rough fuck” videos. I mostly watch porn for the women. Since I’m bi and in a relationship with a man, it feels like an easy way to scratch that itch.

Although B. and I are open, neither of us has done more than make out with someone else. I don’t see myself having sex with anyone else in the near future, but maybe one day I’ll feel comfortable enough to entertain it. I encourage B. to, though, especially for exploring kinks and things I’m less interested in. We’ve agreed that a threesome sounds appealing but haven’t put effort into making it happen. I really like the relationship being open, though. It takes some pressure off.

10 p.m. Play with the cats and head to bed on the earlier side.

DAY FIVE

9 a.m. Masturbate in bed thinking about people having sex onstage with an audience watching. In almost all of my fantasies, I’m not present.
When B. was away, I masturbated a lot. It felt good to take control of my own orgasms again. We see each other several times a week and have sex pretty much every time. I enjoy myself a lot more if I haven’t masturbated the day before. It can be hard for me to finish with another person present. The hornier I am, the easier it is.

12 p.m. Walk to get a haircut, just to trim the sides. I was a few months overdue, and I’ll like it more once I wash and style it myself.

Plans with B. and a friend later to see a Tyler, the Creator show. I wouldn’t have been able to make it if I worked today, so I took the day off. I wish I were doing more with it.

5 p.m. Meet B. to get ramen. The shop is closed, so we walk 30 more minutes for burgers. I’m miffed about it, but the food is really good, and we meet our friend at the show right on time.

8 p.m. Tyler, the Creator comes on, and he’s incredible. I’m impressed with how he can carry the stage the entire time on his own. Unfortunately, I’m incredibly nauseous for some reason, and I can’t stop thinking about how early I have to get up the next day. We slowly walk through the crowds to the station for the long train home.

12 a.m. Finally back. Briefly play with the cats and fall asleep.

DAY SIX

6:45 a.m. I don’t want to go to work, despite a nice long weekend off. I don’t read this morning because I’m sitting next to a student and my book is about a sex worker.

12 p.m. Text B. throughout the day. Looking forward to spending some time together tomorrow — I want to be good for him. He invites me to be his date for a dinner for at his company in a few weeks. I feel incredibly grown up and excited.

6:30 p.m. Bike to my weekly Japanese class, a free opportunity to practice speaking in a low-stakes environment.

9 p.m. Home and energized from class. Text B. about how it went and hear about his day.

10 p.m. Stay up playing video games before bed.

DAY SEVEN

9 a.m. Wake up horny but don’t want to masturbate, as I’ll see B later. Briefly consider edging myself but resist and get up to clean my apartment.

1 p.m. We go to a café. It starts raining really hard, so we stay, play cards, and doodle. The conversation feels nice, but I beat him really badly in a card game I just taught him and feel guilty — he’s more competitive than I am.

6 p.m. Take the train to my friend’s place, and B. goes to my apartment. I enjoy the solo commute and the time with my friend. Try not to feel guilty about it, but he wanted me to go.

9 p.m. Come home and sit on B.’s lap. He starts to kiss me, but I have to feed the cats and take out the trash. I like having sex at his place better because I can really let myself relax. At mine, I’m always thinking about the chores I need to do and whether my neighbors can hear us. One of the things I enjoy the most about our sex is that we really let go; feeling uninhibited is euphoric, and I can’t reach that if I’m thinking about laundry.

10 p.m. We start to have sex. I’m interested but feeling a bit exposed and vulnerable. He goes down on me, and I tell him I need a minute. We kiss for a while, then I take more control, get on top, and finish first (even though I usually prefer B. having an orgasm first, because watching his facial expressions while he finishes really turns me on). I suck on his nipples as he uses a vibrator to get off. I haven’t charged it in a while and hope it doesn’t die.

We clean up and go to bed. I was hoping I would feel more normal about sex now. It’ll take time to get used to it again, and I know I can talk to him about it when I’m ready.