I’m worried that my girlfriend’s kinky bedroom fetish is too extreme
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend asked me to strangle her during sex to the point where she could faint.
I was shocked when she suggested this as I have never done anything like it before.
I am a 52-year-old man and she is 49. We started dating four months ago after meeting online.
She is a nice family woman with a good job in retail. Her children are grown up and live independent lives.
I have been divorced for six years and have a teenage daughter.
Our sex life has been great so far. She is very adventurous and not at all inhibited.
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She is fit and very toned all over, which I love. One night after a few drinks we started talking about our sex lives.
I shared that I’ve had nine partners and she told me she’d had seven. Then she started talking to me about fetishes, something I have never been interested in.
I didn’t know what to say when she let me in on her secret. She just doesn’t seem the type.
Later that night we were in bed having sex when she suddenly asked me to put my hands around her neck and squeeze her.
I thought she was joking at first but she then explained that she really wanted to try asphyxiation with me. She said she gets very turned on having a man’s hands around her throat.
I did what she wanted, but very tentatively. I felt like I was in some kind of erotic movie.
Afterwards, I felt terrible. It made me feel a bit sick, to be honest. This is all completely alien to me.
I went along with it once, but I feel I need to draw a line now. I am concerned. It all seems very extreme
DEIDRE SAYS: I am concerned too. Fetishes can be harmless but can get stronger over time.
Restricting oxygen intake with choking or “breath play” can heighten sensation but it can also be dangerous.
Many experts actively encourage individuals to steer clear of erotic asphyxiation (to give it the correct name).
It can quickly jump from a fun sexual activity into a dangerous pursuit.
Nobody should feel pressure to do things they don’t want to in the bedroom.
Sex must always be consensual and you should say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. My support pack Fetish Worry explains more.
Encourage her to join with you in exploring other, safer ways to give her a thrill in the bedroom.