I was finally ready to leave my husband for my lover – but now he’s seriously ill

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of dithering, I finally decided to leave my husband for my wonderful widowed lover. However, I have now learned my husband is seriously ill.

I feel I have no choice but to stay in a joyless marriage and shelve the plans to move into this guy’s home. I’m gutted.

I’m 48 and my husband is 52. We’ve been married for 19 years.

It’s been a slow process but we’ve grown apart over the years, reaching the point where I felt utterly miserable and alone.

I didn’t plan to fall for my lover. He is 54 and has been widowed for a number of years.

We met through our interest in gardening.

We both have an allotment and started chatting one evening while we were tending our plots.

We realised we had a lot more in common than just fruit and vegetables and our friendly chats became so much more.

It’s only in the last year that we’ve told one another how we really feel. Neither of us planned to fall in love, it just happened as we grew closer.

My love for my husband has all but disappeared. We’re two very different people.

He likes sitting at home with a few beers in front of the telly. I love the outdoors and rarely have time for TV.

When my husband suddenly started to feel unwell, he initially refused to see his doctor. But I managed to persuade him.

He had various tests and was diagnosed with heart failure.

I was devastated and although he has come to terms with his illness, I fear I’m trapped for ever.

How can I leave him when he needs me to care for him?

I couldn’t imagine how he would react if I told him how I really feel, but it’s getting harder to hide my feelings.

I desperately want to leave.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Your husband will understandably be devastated if you expose your affair.

You’re in the heady, early days of romance with your lover and wouldn’t be able to walk away from your husband easily, especially as stress risks making him even worse.

Before you make your final decision, be sure it is the right choice for you – and stick to your resolve.

I often hear from people who have torn their life apart then discovered their lover hasn’t measured up.

Leave because you are unhappy, not because you have a lover by your side.

Tell your husband you are not happy as things are and you have thought about leaving him, but his health has kept you around.

You should be with someone because you truly love them, not out of pity or guilt.

My support pack Torn Between Two Men will help you.