From supportive panda to fearsome tiger – which parenting tribe do you belong to and what does it say about you
WHEN it comes to parenting types, Tiger mums are by far the most ferocious.
They want their cubs to achieve greatness, whether it’s acing tests or landing the lead role in the school play.
But new research suggests super-strict parenting can backfire – it’s even been linked to depression and an inability to cope with ups and downs later in life.
The Tiger is one of four animal types experts believe parents fall into.
Others are the laid-back jellyfish, the soft-and-supportive panda and the firm-but-fair dolphin.
Find out which you are with our quiz, and let parenting expert Liat Hughes Joshi explain what you’re doing right – or wrong.
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‘I don’t believe in congratulating losing’
SINGLE self-confessed tiger mum Kirstie Mellor, 28, has boys Kaben, four, and Kaleb, two. The solicitor’s receptionist from Southampton says:
“My friends say I am pushy, that I am too domineering and need to “chill”. But I don’t listen to them. I’m a proud tiger mum.
I grew up in a very sporty, competitive family. Mum was a gymnast, Dad was a runner.
We were taught to compete in every sport going – and to win.
My grandad used to get me and my two sisters to do Suduko in the paper to train our brains in maths.
When I had my own kids, I knew I’d want them to be as competitive too.
I started them young. Kaben does three after-school clubs – gymnastics, football and swimming.
And every holiday I enrol him in sporty summer schools.
I don’t believe in congratulating losing and want my kids to win.
But I don’t yell if they don’t. It’s about dusting yourself off and trying again – that’s true success.
Every night I make them do handwriting practice before they watch TV.
Then, I read with them and make them point out pictures and words.
At school I am the only mum who has kids in three clubs after school. I’m not stopping there.
I am enrolling Kaben in keyboard and guitar lessons. When the time comes Kaleb will do the same.
I’m not a fan of jellyfish parenting – kids thrive better with structure and routine. It’s good for them to aim towards goals in life.
I identify most with tiger mums because I am fiercely competitive and want my boys to be the very best they can be.
If that makes me a pushy mum, so be it.”
‘Shouting at her is an alien concept to me’
KATE Geary, 46, is mum to Sophia, ten, and lives in Totton, Hampshire. The self-confessed jellyfish mum, who is single and a stay-at-home mum, says:
“I’m proud to be a jellyfish mum. I’m laidback, don’t like a lot of rules and don’t believe in forcing kids into doing things they don’t want to do.
I don’t force Sophia to do a lot of homework – I believe childhood is for being a child.
And I don’t make her do music lessons, after-school sports or anything she’s not keen on.
Some mums are so pushy, enrolling their child in ballet, football and Brownies. That’s too much.
I see the kids like that at school and they seem exhausted rather than happy.
It seems to be far more about the mum’s sense of achievement than the child’s wellbeing.
I also don’t believe in forcing kids to do chores.
Sophia sees me doing things around the house and often offers to help of her own choice. I don’t need to make her.
For seven years Sophia wanted to sleep with me so we co-slept.
I tried to put my foot down but didn’t have the heart.
The thought of shouting and sending her back to her bed was alien to me. I’m her mum, it’s my job to comfort her.
Now Sophia comes in from school, has a cuddle, watches what she wants on TV and plays with her friends.
Luckily she likes pleasing her teachers so she does her homework on her own anyway.
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Kids have so much pressure when they reach GCSE stage, I simply don’t think it’s necessary when they’re young.
Sophia being happy is so much more important than certificates, badges and grades.”