I’m devastated my daughter says she cannot attend my 80th birthday party

DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT my daughter would make an effort to come to my 80th birthday party but she says she is away that weekend.

I know I shouldn’t be upset, but she doesn’t seem to realise or care that I have health issues and may not be around for ever.

I have been a good mother to her. She is 49.

We have a history of falling out and never really sort out the problems.

I decided to have a family lunch last Sunday and was delighted she came with her husband.

It went very well and everyone chatted together.

There were no bad feelings, which was a huge relief as our relationship feels so fragile most of the time.

But now I’m upset with her all over again because she’s not coming to my birthday party.

Do I expect too much?

DEIDRE SAYS: The sad truth is that family get-togethers are often stressful events that adult children want to avoid.

We can’t force other people to do what we want – we only have control over our own behaviour.

It’s far better to focus on rebuilding the relationship with her rather than berate her for her non-attendance.