I’ve turned to dating apps to get back at my husband after his affair

DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING out about my husband’s affair tore me apart, so I turned to dating apps to get even.

I wanted him to feel the same hurt that I did, but now I am addicted to the attention I’m getting from men.

I’m 37, my husband is 42, and we have been married for more than ten years.

Until I discovered his affair, our relationship had always been happy.

He was the best husband I could have asked for. I honestly used to feel like the luckiest woman alive.

Then one day I saw a text message from another woman on his phone, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I discovered they had been sleeping together for months.

He apologised, begged forgiveness and insisted it meant nothing. He promised it wouldn’t happen again.

While I agreed to forgive him, I’ve struggled to move on. The hurt began to consume me and one day I decided to download a dating app.

I knew it was wrong, but I wanted to do something to get back at him for how he had made me feel.

In some ways, the hurt started driving me, and I was getting a thrill from the idea that he may eventually find out.

Yet now I can’t seem to stop, and as the days go by it continues to escalate even further. While it started as digital fun, one of the men I’ve been talking to has asked to meet me for a drink.

I can’t help but feel like I owe it to myself to explore with someone else, just like my husband did.

But I realise that if I take the risk my marriage could implode.
What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Two wrongs don’t make a right. If you meet this guy your marriage is likely to spin out of control.

You’re dallying with this illicit meeting out of spite which will bring more pain.

Rather than point scoring, sit down with your partner and explain how deeply he has hurt you.

You need to get to the bottom of why he strayed and what changes you need in your marriage to strengthen it.

Consider talking through your feelings with a counsellor – ideally your husband would accompany you. Contact Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1975, tavistockrelationships.org), who provide relationship counselling.

At least then you would be doing something proactive, rather than actively hurting your marriage.