From ‘don’t play games’ to ‘he’s really not into you’ – everything we learned about love from iconic romantic comedies
IT looks like this will be the year that the rom-com has its rebirth with some big screen comebacks.
Following hot on the heels of last year’s Ticket To Paradise with Julia Roberts and George Clooney, 2023’s highlights include Shotgun Wedding with Jennifer Lopez, Your Place Or Mine, with Reese Witherspoon, and What’s Love Got To Do With It? starring Lily James, which hits cinemas this week.
And while we all know true love is not like the movies, these fairy-tale films do contain important lessons in what NOT to do.
Experts Michelle Elman, author of The Selfish Romantic: How To Date Without Feeling Bad About Yourself, and dating coach Sami Wunder reveal the rom-com plot twists to avoid if you want love to last.
FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL: Life’s too short not to take a risk
BUMBLING Brit Charles, played by Hugh Grant, falls for glamorous American Carrie, played by Andie MacDowell, after they hook up at a wedding, but is afraid to voice his true feelings.
When Carrie ends up marrying another man, Charles settles for an ex and is standing at the altar when his brother intervenes to stop him making a mistake.
Sami says: “Life is simply far too short to not take the risk for the chance of true love.
“It is healthy to reveal our feelings for someone that we love while having the emotional maturity to accept that the other person may not return them.
“The cost of not speaking up and being honest about your feelings is living another relationship that is a lie.
“It’s just not worth it in the long term.”
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY: Men and women can be friends
WITH its infamous fake orgasm scene, this Eighties classic centres around Harry, played by Billy Crystal, telling Sally, played by Meg Ryan, right, that men and women can’t just be friends.
But when the duo become pals as they overcome break-ups, they have to decide whether to take things further or risk losing what they have.
“Harry was wrong – men and women can be friends,” says author Michelle.
“But you just can’t be friends if you are using friendship as a consolation prize for the relationship you can’t have.
“Being in a friends-with-benefits situation doesn’t work if what you really want is proper commitment.”
BRIDGET JONES’ DIARY: You’re perfect just as you are
PERPETUALLY single Bridget – played by Renee Zellweger, – is convinced that if she loses weight, stops smoking and gets a better job she will find Mr Right.
Even when two men are vying for her affection, she fails to realise she is perfect as her imperfect self.
“Mark Darcy loved Bridget just as she was,” says Michelle.
“We should all remember that when we are trying to change ourselves into what society says makes us loveable and dateable.
“If you have to change yourself, that’s not a sustainable relationship.
“When you drop the mask, you’ll lose that person and it will lead to more hurt.”
MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING: Making him jealous won’t work
AFTER spiky food writer Jules (Julia Roberts) discovers her college bestie Michael (Dermot Mulroney) is getting married, she realises he could be her true love and vows to steal his heart.
But her jealous scheme becomes increasingly complex when she ropes in gay best friend George (Rupert Everett ) – and pretends that he is her boyfriend.
“No long-term relationship can sustain itself on superficial gimmicks like this,” says expert Sami.
“Instead of trying to make a man jealous, it is far more effective to be a woman who is confident in her worth.”
PRETTY WOMAN: Don’t hide where you come from
WHEN millionaire Edward (Richard Gere) picks up vivacious prostitute Vivian (Julia Roberts) to accompany him to events on a work trip, he expects their relationship to be purely business.
But the unlikely couple, fall hard for each other – and they have to figure out whether they can build a bridge between their opposite worlds and the judgment of others.
Michelle says: “At its core is the message to not be embarrassed of where you come from.
“Much like the example with social class in Crazy Rich Asians, whatever you’re insecure about doesn’t limit your dating pool unless YOU make it a big deal.”
HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU: He’s really not into you
WITH a stellar cast including Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper and Ben Affleck, this film follows the romantic fortunes of nine characters dealing with heartbreak and misread signals.
Michelle says: “The key message of the film is if he is acting like he’s not interested in you, he’s NOT interested in you.
“This movie is all about how we overcomplicate very simple explanations – and sometimes the simple, more painful explanation is the one we need to accept.
“You are not the exception to the rule.
“You are not the one who is going to change him . . . and you shouldn’t have to.”
THE HOLIDAY: Learn from former romances
IN this Christmas rom-com favourite, two heartbroken women swap homes for the holidays with love the last thing on their minds.
But when Amanda (Cameron Diaz) feels a spark with widowed dad Graham (Jude Law), she realises her parents’ divorce as a child has stopped her from getting close to men.
“In my work I call this intimacy fears,” says Sami.
“When you have had bad role models in childhood of what love looks like, it’s easy to get scared of letting a man into your life.
“I encourage my clients to use past pain to motivate them to do better in their love life, and work on attracting healthy love.”
CRAZY RICH ASIANS: You don’t need family approval
IT is not until Rachel (Constance Wu) is whisked away to Singapore by her boyfriend Nick (Henry Golding with Constance) that she learns he is the most eligible billionaire in town.
It means his mum and grandmother think Rachel, a New York academic from a single-mother immigrant family, is beneath Nick and set out to sabotage them.
Michelle says: “Yes, it is upsetting when you don’t have a family member’s approval, but it is your relationship and therefore it is your business – and your business only.
“If your partner is being disrespected by your family, it is within their right to set boundaries on how they deserve to be treated.”
THE WEDDING SINGER: Money is no measure of love
AFTER he is jilted by his fiancée, musician Robbie (Adam Sandler) falls for sweet waitress Julia (Drew Barrymore).
But she is already marrying a rich, cheating banker, who the singer believes he could never compare to.
“Money is no measure of happiness in a romantic relationship,” says Sami.
“So many ‘rich’ celebrities, including many of my wealthy clients, are often sad in their relationships because they are craving intimacy, acceptance or quality time.
“It’s important to choose a partnership where the foundation rests on love and mutual understanding rather than materialistic wealth.”
LOSE A GUY IN TEN DAYS: Don’t play games
THIS tongue-in-cheek tale sees magazine journalist Andie (Kate Hudson) attempt to show readers the ways not to win a man’s affections by finding a real-life guinea pig.
But she hooks ladies’ man Ben (Matthew McConaughey) who bets he can win any woman in ten days.
What could go wrong?
“Keep playing them if you want to attract a game-player,” says Michelle.
“If you start with a precedent of game-playing, then you’ll be exhausted.
“Remove the mind-reading, fortune-telling and pre-planning of ‘if he does this, I’ll do that’.
“Communicate clearly and directly and let the chips fall where they may.”
‘I had fling with sexy Frenchman, just like TV Emily’
WITH glamorous bars, chic fashion and sexy Frenchmen, the life of TV’s Emily In Paris is a world away from Ila Smith’s.
But after binge-watching the Netflix romantic comedy, the mum-of-two booked a weekend break to the City Of Love with an old friend.
Just like the show’s main character, she couldn’t help falling for a local – and had a passionate one-night stand, despite having a partner back home.
Ila isn’t the only one to get swept up in a fairy-tale fantasy after being inspired by a fictional tale.
A recent poll by US streaming service Pluto TV found 13 per cent of people have cheated on a partner after getting the idea from a rom-com.
Model Ila, 40, says: “I love Emily In Paris. I used to watch it and think what an exciting life Lily Collins’s character had, moving to France from America, her career taking off and lots of exciting affairs.
“Mine was so boring in comparison and I longed for some excitement so I booked the trip.”
She and her pal spent their four-night break shopping, sightseeing – and chatting up French men.
Then, after her friend pulled in a bar one night, Ila got talking to a Parisian couple before the girlfriend left to go home.
She says: “The guy was called Jacques and he invited me back to his. It felt really naughty.
“We had very passionate sex. My sex life at home had got boring and predictable. I had no regrets.
“The thrill was definitely worth it.”
Back home in South East London, Ila’s fling made her realise her three-year relationship was not working and she says: “I confessed about the one-night stand a few weeks later and we split up.
“I felt guilty but it opened my eyes to how life could be.”
She is now single but says her Parisian fling has raised her standards when looking for a new partner.
She says: “I won’t settle for anything less now.
“And I still have Jacques’s number, if I go back to Paris again!”