From when to have sex to how long you should kiss for – get the sizzle back between the sheets with our saucy diary
CAN writing “Have sex” on your calendar ever be arousing? Presenter Mariella Frostrup thinks so.
She revealed she schedules sex with her husband, lawyer Jason McCue, 52, to ensure they don’t stop making love even during their busiest weeks.
Mariella, 60, shared: “A therapist friend told me that making intimacy a regular day may sound ‘unromantic’ but is far better than hoping for spontaneity when familiarity sets in.”
While booking in a bonk is an easy way to spice up your sex life, there are many more love-boosters you should pop in the diary.
So here is my erotic monthly To-Do list and the number of times you should schedule them to maintain maximum happiness.
Four 90-minute domestic conversations
PSYCHOLOGIST Jordan Peterson (who has been married for 33 years) says the secret to a happy, stress-free relationship is talking about cleaning the bath.
Or the state of the car tyres. Or the level of the laundry basket. No, it’s not swoon-worthy, but a regular chat about your shared life stops either of you feeling like they’re shouldering the domestic burden alone.
It also lets you clear the air. To spice up these chats, feel free to have them with a glass of wine, naked, in the bath. (As long as you agree who scrubs it afterwards.)
Three Netflix and chill
ITALIAN researchers discovered that having a TV in the bedroom made couples have less sex. But that was before Bridgerton.
These days, a lusty box set can actually boost your relationship, as long as you choose the shows with care.
Create a steamy playlist of programmes that include sex scenes you’d love to try. Maybe roleplay (the fireman scene in Sex And The City), public sex (the train action in US comedy thriller series Run) or kitchen sex (the sink moment in TV drama Good Girls).
Watch them with your partner then ask if they’d like to live out the action. Remember, too, you can search Netflix for terms such as “steamy” or “erotic” if you want to binge-watch something a little filthier.
Thirty 6-second kisses
IN his best-selling marriage manual The 7 Day Love Prescription (£7.99, Penguin), Dr John Gottman advises couples to plant a six-second kiss on their partner every day.
It’s brief, but it’s actually the perfect length of time to kickstart your body’s production of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and reduce your levels of cortisol (the stress hormone).
Twelve dinners together
THEY don’t have to be fancy, they don’t even have to be cooked from scratch, but they do have to be eaten at the same table.
Couples who eat together stay together, according to a very long study of married and cohabiting pairs.
They also enjoy their food 74 per cent more. If your routines mean you can’t eat dinner together, try for breakfast or lunch.
Put your phones away and chat.
Eight steamy sexts
EVERY so often, turn up the heat by sending erotic texts, or voice notes, that become increasingly risque as the day goes on.
Send selfies wearing fewer clothes each time or drip-feed a fantasy of all the filthy things you plan to do to your partner when you get home.
Keep the desire building until you’re at fever pitch when you finally get together.
Four ‘cuddles’
AS well as sex, set aside time to have sensual fun together.
Try things such as sharing a shower, giving each other massages, watching a slushy film snuggled up under a blanket or just hanging out in bed and see what arises.
A common reason couples don’t have sex is that they don’t connect during the day.
Twenty lust-boosting meals
FUEL your sex drive with libido-boosting foods. Watermelon can relax your blood vessels down below like a fruity Viagra.
Strawberries are rich in vitamin C which can decrease anxiety and increase the amount of bonding oxytocin you release in bed.
Avocado contains vitamin B6 that helps diminish bloating and PMT grumpiness, and coffee and tea perk up your nervous system, giving you a natural boost in bed.
Avoid alcohol as it dulls your nerves, meaning you can’t feel as many sensations, and slows down your natural lubrication.
Fifteen flirty texts
REMEMBER all those flirty texts you sent your partner early on? So do they. And they wonder why you stopped.
Recreate the first flush of love by sending your partner sweet nothings as often as possible but at least every other day.
Dopamine (the excitement chemical, that also helps build our arousal) is stimulated by delayed rewards, so keep your messages elusive and tantalising.
Eight early nights
THE more sleep you get, the more sex you have.
Researchers at the University of Michigan Medical School in the US found that just one extra hour of sleep made women 14 per cent more likely to have sex the next day.
So get your head down.
Six solo sessions
TREAT self-pleasure like self-care, because it is.
Self-induced orgasms have the same positive effects on your blood pressure and immune system as those experienced with a partner.
Doing this before a sex session can also improve premature ejaculation.
Or “edging” – bringing yourself almost to the point of no return, then stopping – makes your big O even bigger later on.
Try it before a date.
Four bonks (minimum)
LOADS of sex isn’t the secret to a happy relationship, even though we expect it to be.
A recent study discovered that the magical number of weekly bonks for relationship satisfaction is actually just one.
Definitely schedule one bunk-up every week. And find a time that works for you.
Having a Saturday night rollover might not be perfect if you’re likely to be tipsy or tired. But a Wednesday morning snuggle might be perfect.
Two games nights
WOMEN who engage in physical competition have markedly higher levels of testosterone while doing so, according to one study, and testosterone can improve your sex drive.
So challenge your other half to a games night, dance off, PlayStation battle – or simply race them to the bedroom.
- Find more sex tips at lovekatetaylor.com