My son and his wife gave their adopted son back – I’m heartbroken

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my son and his wife adopted a little boy, I was over the moon to be a grandma again.

But just two months on, they have given him back. I’m heartbroken and can’t cope.

I’m a 68-year-old widow, who lives for my family. I already have two grandkids via my daughter, but my son, 38, and his wife, 39, had fertility problems.

When they told me they’d been approved for adoption and were getting a five-year-old boy, I couldn’t have been happier. He was gorgeous and melted my heart. 

But the little boy had come from a difficult background and soon started exhibiting some challenging behaviour – having tantrums, throwing food, breaking things for attention.

My son’s wife said she couldn’t cope and that he had more problems than she’d been told and social services took him back into foster care. 

I haven’t stopped crying – I feel like I’m grieving.

I am angry at my son and his wife for rejecting this poor child. It’s cruel and selfish. 

Being a parent is never easy and I feel he just needed love and patience.  I wish I could have taken him in myself. 

DEIDRE SAYS: What’s happened is terribly sad.

But in the long term, it is better for the child not to be with parents who don’t want him and can’t manage him.

This is like a bereavement for you. It would really help if you could talk to a counsellor so you can work through your feelings.

My Counselling  support pack  will tell you more.

It’s important this doesn’t spoil your relationship with your son. Find help through parenting charity, familylives.org.uk (0808 800 2222).