I didn’t think I’d see my daughter live to see this special day – she’s no angel, but I’m still so proud
TODAY was a day I didn’t think I’d ever see.
My 22-year-old daughter, Bo, who was born with a congenital heart condition, graduated.
This is not so much a boast about the brilliance of one of my children, more a statement rooted in surprise by a parent who had no idea how long this precious creature might live, and a comment on how astounded I am by how far she pursued her education.
By her own admission, Bo is no academic.
Like me, she had to work extremely hard at school for decent grades while watching other, supposedly smarter, kids churn out an essay on the school bus and subsequently be awarded an A+, when she had spent all weekend toiling over hers for a C-.
At times her lack of concentration got the better of her.
As parents, we worry about our children, although I have to admit I’ve been pretty hands-off as I had to endure a childhood with pressure on academic attainment and achievement.
My worries with Bo were not limited to her health and survival but also getting her through a schooling system which still feels like it’s geared towards academia.
Something that became clear early on was her sense of practicality.
She may not have been the world’s greatest thinker, books rarely interested her, but Bo was a doer.
Like her mother, she was a practical person and I found that really reassuring, even though the education system didn’t appear to value it as much.
From a young age she loved caring, nurturing, even bossing others around.
She liked to be in control. And she loved younger children.
Bingo! She had found her calling.
This contrary, strong-willed little human belonged in a world where she could care for children, and from that moment on she pursued that vocation like a dog with a bone.
I’m not here to eulogise and lionise my child. It just feels that society still has this obsession with going to university.
There’s definitely a snobbery about it, as if we view a person who doesn’t go to uni as a lesser person.
Well, I’m that lesser person. I had a place at university to study French and drama but, smartly, decided to defer my place for a year in order that I would learn an actual skill I could use for part-time or permanent work.
In the end I never took up my place because I couldn’t bear the thought of four years of study. I like to work.
And therein lies the rub. We desperately need people with skills.
We need people to engage in apprenticeships to become the workers, leaders, carers, plumbers and engineers of the next generation.
But for reasons of pretension and snobbishness, we look down on these options as inferior to choosing a more intellectual path.
It supposedly readies you for the world and yet there are lots of people out there clutching their amazing first (and second) class degrees without the ability to contribute in any practical, useful way to life/to the world.
When I was at school, I remember people sneering at the 16-year olds who left school to go to catering college or start an apprenticeship.
Well, those who were considered failures or losers are having the last laugh now because they learnt valuable, useful skills.
They became qualified to do something useful and I bet there are people envious of them now because we are always going to need builders, electricians, carers, chefs.
A degree in English doesn’t always translate into a profession.
There has to be greater equity and proper recognition for both further and higher education.
Even BTECs are slightly looked down upon in comparison to degrees.
As we’re not all cut from the same cloth, we all deserve to be valued for what and how it is we want to learn and, ultimately, contribute.
As it happened, my Bo was able to do a practical course at Uni and she is now a fully qualified nanny.
She has already been travelling the world with her charges.
She’s no angel and she’s no brainbox but she has applied herself and worked extremely hard to gain a skill which will always be in demand, it just so happened that she managed to get a degree while doing so.
She can be a proper pain in the behind but she’s a grafter and a doer.
And I have the deepest respect for her for that.
So if you ever need your children to be looked after by someone who likes assembling flat-pack furniture and has an unhealthy obsession with sorting books and CDs in alphabetical order, Bo is the girl for you.
LIFESTYLE HAS MADE ME DINK
THERE’S a new breed of young people out there and they’re known as DINKS – Dual Income No Kids.
One smug American couple, Taylor and Justin Vasu, are living their best lives without kids.
They boast that they have sex at least four times a week, go on a dozen holidays a year and can enjoy lie-ins every single weekend.
And it’s all because they don’t have kids. And when you look at it like that, it really is a dream life.
But while I’d walk over hot coals for a lifestyle like the Californian couple, I would do so knowing that I have had children and fulfilled my primary ambition in life.
Having kids is bloody tough – whether you do it alone or in a content couple. They mess with your head and bugger up your body.
Kids also keep you young, force you to be selfless and spur you on.
So, I have no regrets. I suspect I’d look less old and wrinkly had I chosen to remain childless – I might even have had more fun, but I didn’t.
Choosing not to have kids is undeniably selfish. But in the very best way. It means you understand what you want in life.
You respect yourself and trust your own judgment.
As we age, the hope is that our kids will care for us when we revert to being childlike and helpless like they once were.
Mine would always tell me they would never put me in a care home because I “would hate the food”. Which was cute.
I suspect, as time marches on, however, the offer of being looked after and being put in a care home when things get too much has become more of a threat than a loving proposal.
DEAD LOSS DADS
FORMER rugger player James Haskell was left to look after his seven-month old daughter Bodhi while his wife, Chloe Madeley, went away for a weekend.
After the event he proudly said he’d done a good job.
Then he went on to credit his wife for the success of his “babysitting” by leaving him a point-by-point list of how to look after THEIR baby.
I don’t quite know where to start.
It’s as if dads need to be awarded a trophy for doing something which the vast majority of mums do each day every day. And night.
We need to stop this disparate treatment of mums and dads. It’s insulting.
Olivia stung by girl code, what about blokes?
THOSE pics of Harry Styles seeking out Emily Ratajkowski’s tonsils with his tongue must have stung for Olivia Wilde.
To see she’s been replaced by a younger woman must be painful.
But it’s not just any other younger woman. No. Ratajkowski is on a roll when it comes to dating famous men – including Brad Pitt, Pete Davidson and comedian Eric Andre – since her split from her husband.
I feel bad for Olivia, who clearly thought she was in something deep with Harry, but also because she was seemingly pally with Emily.
There’s the “girl code” – you don’t date your mate’s ex.
Yet we never have mention of a “boy code”. Is that because boys won’t let friendship stand in the way of a good hook-up?
Or just because we think two women fighting over a man is far more gossip-worthy?
MUCH of France was set alight and came to a standstill because the soppy buggers object to being asked to work until they’re 64, poor lambs.
The rest of us, on the other hand, know that retirement won’t come til our late 60s – if we’re lucky.
If you’re a freelancer or a sole trader like me, it’s unlikely you’ll ever actually retire.
We’ll just keep soldiering on until we draw our last breath.
In light of this, it made me think of this brilliant meme that’s been doing the rounds and really chimed with me.