My fiance avoids sex and says gay porn on his laptop was an accident
DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND gay porn on my fiance’s laptop, but he’s denying that he’s gay.
I’m 44, he’s 45 and we’ve been together for ten years.
The sex was great in the first years of our relationship, but lately he avoids it, and when I come on to him he makes excuses.
I recently borrowed his laptop and found gay porn in his search history.
When I confronted him, he was dismissive and made me feel stupid for asking.
He says it’s simply a pop-up, but I’m not convinced.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
We haven’t had sex since.
I really thought he might make an effort to reassure me of his sexuality as well as feelings for me, but it’s been two weeks now.
How could the man I’ve been with for a decade be secretly gay?
Am I overreacting?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: There could be a chance he has an attraction to men that he finds hard to admit.
Porn sites can also present viewers with content they might never have searched out themselves, as they are designed to be addictive and introduce people to extreme scenarios.
Either way, refusing to discuss why he was watching gay porn won’t help either of you move on.
Find a moment to speak with him again. My support pack Internet Pornography Worries may help.
Seeing a sex and relationship therapist together would help. COSRT.org.uk can put you in contact with re with reputable counsellors.