I’m thinking of inviting another man into our bed to spice up my wife’s libido
DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife has completely gone off sex, so I’m thinking of inviting another man to join us in bed.
I’ve had enough of being celibate but I don’t want to leave her. A threesome could give us the kick- start we need to reboot our sex life.
We’ve been married for 25 years. I’m 52 and she’s 54.
When we first got together, we had a fantastic sex life. It was passionate, adventurous and frequent.
Over the years, even with work and bringing up our kids — now grown up — we managed regular sex and to keep things interesting.
But about five years ago, she stopped wanting to make love at all.
She assured me she still found me attractive, she just didn’t have any desire and would rather read or sleep at night.
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I’ve tried everything. I even took her away for a second honeymoon to Rome, where we’d had a very dirty weekend together as newlyweds.
It was a miserable disaster.
She felt under pressure, I felt rejected and it spoiled our memories.
Since then, I’ve given up trying. I pretend I’m OK with it but I’m not.
I love her and everything else in our relationship is perfect but I’m not prepared to give up that side of life for ever.
I could never cheat on her, so that’s not an option.
Then I had a brainwave.
When we were young, we used to fantasise about having a threesome with another guy. She loved the idea, although we never did it.
Perhaps if I bring another man into our bedroom, it’ll spark up her libido again. I’m just not sure how to tell her, or which man to choose.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your intentions may be good but you have not thought this through.
If your wife feels under pressure to please one man, imagine how she’d feel with two?
A threesome may have been her fantasy years ago but the reality could be extremely traumatic for her, not to mention how you might feel seeing another man with your wife, especially as she hasn’t wanted sex with you for years.
At 54, it’s likely her lack of interest in sex is down to the menopause.
A three-some can’t fix hormones.
You need to talk to her honestly about how much this is upsetting you.
Ask if she’ll see her GP. And think about counselling.
My support packs, Sex Therapy and Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive, should help.