My grieving ex wants me back – how do I turn him down gently after his mum died

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my ex-boyfriend’s mother died I felt sorry for him, so sent him a message of condolence.

Now he seems to think we’ll get back together and I feel horrible for pushing him away when he’s grieving.

I’m 46 and he’s 48. We were together for a year and I ended the relationship four months ago because it wasn’t right.

He took it badly and kept trying to win me back.

Then, a month after he finally seemed to accept it, he contacted me to tell me his mum had died suddenly.

I felt it would be rude and cruel to ignore this, so sent a generic message of sympathy.

Since then he’s been messaging regularly, saying how I’m the only one he can talk to, and asking to meet up.

I don’t know how to deal with this without rejecting him again.

DEIDRE SAYS:  You’re a compassionate person but you are not obliged to be there for him.

Gently tell him you’re not able to help.

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself should help you, and suggest he gets bereavement support from The Good Grief Trust (thegoodgrieftrust.org).