I’m a 23-year-old relationship coach – women are precious investments, men who can’t afford to pay shouldn’t be dating
A RELATIONSHIP coach insists that women are “precious” — and men who can’t afford to pay shouldn’t be going on dates.
Karla Elia, 23, earns her living teaching women how to find the right man for the life they want — and she believes “being treated right is the bare minimum.”
Karla, who lives San Diego, California, suggests that women shouldn’t be treated equally to men.
Instead, she believes women’s time is “more precious” so they should be looking for a romantic partner who is a provider.
Karla claims that many clients struggle to find their perfect man because they aren’t looking for the right thing.
She insists the right man to date is one with a “provider mindset,” because they will give their partner the best treatment.
This includes paying for all their dates before they’ve entered into a formal relationship and buying them gifts and flowers.
Controversially, she said men who can’t afford a woman “shouldn’t be dating in the first place” because they must add value to a woman’s life to be worthy.
“In my experience, women are scared of speaking their standards,” she said.
“They think there are no men like this out there — when actually there is a big pool of men with the provider mindset.
“To find these men, you have to step into the energy of: ‘I am worthy, I am healing, and I am not making decisions from a place of insecurity.’
“We shouldn’t be treated equal to men, we should be treated as women and we’re special. We should be treated as precious.
“A man needs to understand he has to be in a financial place to invest in a woman. We are investments.
“I know I can afford my lifestyle and if someone can’t afford and add value to that, I would say: ‘Thank you, next.'”
Karla didn’t pinpoint a specific salary that she thinks a man needs to earn before he should start dating — just that it needs to be enough to afford his partner’s expenses and needs as well as his own.
She, at least, appears to have found that for herself: Karla married her husband Dustyn Elia, 25, in May 2022.
She said Dustyn, who is currently transitioning careers after six years in a high-ranking role in the US Navy, had no problems financially supporting her due to also having investments in the stock market.
Women need to adopt an “abundance” mindset, rather than a “scarcity” one, Karla said.
A “scarcity” mindset is a belief based on insecurity that there aren’t many people out there that are right for you.
An “abundance” mindset is dating knowing your worth and not making decisions out of fear of rejection.
Karla believes if you’re on the hunt for someone to start a family with, women’s time is “more precious.”
She said: “When a woman settles down and gets married, fertility is not forever.
“A man can make his life start over with a new girl at any age.
“As women, we don’t have that luxury. That means a woman’s time is more valuable because she has more to lose.”
Karla clarified that a “provider” man is not the same as a “traditional man” who wants his wife to be a homemaker rather than working.
She said a provider is a man who “strives to be successful in every area of his life — and understands his woman will have her own goals.”
She said: “They both have the common goal of creating a family, being stable, and growing with each other.”
Karla said women should be treated as “precious” because her time is “more precious.”
She believes that the man should always pay when he is dating a woman or calls her his girlfriend, and should be able to financially support his partner through her ventures.
She said: “In my marriage, I wasn’t stressed about paying bills or doing housework, so I had emotional stability, creativity, and self-awareness.
“It allowed me to think about my goals and build my business up.
1. He never expects you to pay on dates
2. He is willing to help pay for expenses if you allow him to do so
3. You can rely on him for anything, not just money
4. He’s a man of his word and follows through with the plans he’s made with you
5. He has no problem giving (e.g. time, effort, gifts)
How to identify a man without a “provider mindset,” according to Karla:
1. He does not see the value in investing in his woman
2. He is not generous with his time and money
3. He expects his woman to pay on dates
4. If he does pay for an occasion, he expects something in return
5. He always goes for “cheap” options
“During that time, Dustyn did that because he wanted to see me happy and grow my business.
“That’s him getting a return on his investment — I invested in him, then he invested in me.”
Karla said she has been accused of sounding “materialistic” for advocating that women find a man with the provider mindset.
But she insisted that that’s not the case, because a partner needs to add value to a person’s life to be worth investing in.
She said: “A woman adds value to a man immediately.
“When a man has a good woman next to him, it signals he has something to keep her, and increases his attractiveness.
“A woman can do everything by herself, so the way a man adds value to a woman’s life is by giving her a sense of security.
“Because of this, a man needs to understand he has to be in a financial place to invest in a woman.
“Men who can’t afford it should wait to date until they become more stable.”