How do I stop my freeloader brother from taking advantage of my parents?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY brother is a freeloader who constantly takes advantage of my parents.

He’s so lazy and selfish and I’m sick of always being the good sister who does the right thing, while he gets away with murder.

I’m 34 and he’s 38.

He hasn’t had a job for ten years, and the ones he did have never lasted long.

He doesn’t even try to get another one. There’s no incentive – he’s moved back in with my parents, rent-free, and claims the dole. 

My mum and dad are pensioners, so they don’t have a lot, yet they’re paying for all his living expenses and food. 

In return, he does nothing. He doesn’t even wash up. 

I’ve told my parents they’re too soft and should kick him out, but they won’t listen. 

My mum said I was jealous of him and should count myself lucky I’m doing well. 

But everything I’ve achieved is because I work hard. It’s not fair and is stressing me out.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your brother is living a cushy life at your parents’ expense.

Yet when you point out how unfair this is, you’re criticised and accused of being jealous. 

It’s not fair but you live a full life and your brother sounds unfulfilled.

Your parents are enabling your brother, perhaps because they’re worried and don’t know what to do.

Try talking to them again and ask them if they need help. Can you work  together to help your brother develop some independence and his sense of confidence? 

My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you do this without making them defensive.