My girlfriend says she’s straight but cheats on me with women

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my partner had an affair with another woman I took her back – because I thought it was a one-off.

But now I’ve discovered she has been flirting with someone else, and I’m not sure I can stay with her.

I’m a 36-year-old man and my partner is 34. We have been living together for seven years.

After we started dating, she mentioned she’d had a few same-sex experiences as a teenager, but was now straight.

It didn’t bother me. It was clear she fancied me as much as I did her. We had a great sex life and so much in common.

Then, about a year ago, she met a woman at the gym and had a fling with her. When I found out, it broke my heart.

She said she’d been stupid and weak, and had been questioning her sexuality again. But she was sure she’d now got it out of her system. I chose to believe her and forgave her.

A few weeks ago, I noticed she was showing the same type of behaviour as when she’d had the affair — being secretive, messaging on her phone a lot and not wanting as much sex. So I confronted her.

At first, she denied anything was going on. But then she admitted she’d been talking to a woman from work and I asked to see the messages.

Although it was clear they hadn’t had sex, they were flirty.
I told my partner I couldn’t trust her any more, and asked for a break.

She moved out two weeks ago. I miss her so much but I don’t think she’s being honest with me, or herself, about her sexuality.

Should I take her back again?

DEIDRE SAYS:  Although you still love your partner, no relationship can survive without trust.

It’s clear she is attracted to women as well as men, and perhaps she needs to explore that side of her sexuality more. But she is in a relationship with you. And whether she’s straight, gay or bisexual, shouldn’t be cheating.

A break sounds like a good idea. You both need space to think about what you want.

Then, try to have an honest discussion about the future.

Couples counselling could be a very good idea. If she won’t go with you, you could get counselling alone.

Contact tavistockrelationships.org.

My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It? may also help.

Pictures posed by models.