My husband and I proposed to our girlfriend together – our sex life operates an ‘open-door’ policy
RACHAEL Meir, 42, from Florida, USA, and her husband both fell in love with another woman.
Here, she reveals how they make their throuple work.
Watching excitedly as my girlfriend Kasey solved the final puzzle, I held my breath, waiting for a drawer to pop open to reveal the diamond ring I’d hidden.
It was June 5, 2022, and I’d organised an afternoon at an escape room to celebrate my 41st birthday.
Unbeknown to Kasey, 32, I’d called ahead and set up a surprise proposal.
As she discovered the diamond ring, I got down on one knee behind her.
But this was no ordinary proposal.
Beside me – on one knee, too – was my husband of 16 years, Aaron, 42.
Kasey was also his girlfriend and we’d chosen the ring together.
Since meeting Kasey in August 2019, we’d been living in what’s known as an ethical triad, where three people are in an equal romantic partnership.
We enjoy a healthy and loving sex life – if two of us want to be intimate and the third is around, it’s an open-door invitation and no one is excluded.
When Aaron, an accounts manager, and I said our wedding vows in September 2006, I thought our future would be monogamy and kids.
We’d been together for five years by then, after meeting in college.
I’d realised pretty early on that I was bisexual and was open with Aaron about fancying other women from the beginning, but initially, it was just a fantasy.
After we got married, we were more interested in our careers than starting a family, and we were open-minded about experimenting with other partners, so we tried swinging.
Aaron is straight, but was supportive of my desire to meet women.
At first it was fun, but after 10 years we craved a deeper connection.
I’d trained in psychology and was working as a relationship coach, so I researched ethical non-monogamy, polyamory and triads.
Then, in January 2019, I talked to Aaron about it all.
That summer, we felt ready to move things forward, so I created a profile on the dating app Bumble.
I was transparent about being married and that we both wanted a partnership with another person.
After chatting to a few people, Kasey, a customer training manager for a software company, was the first woman we decided to meet.
Aaron and I met Kasey for drinks at an outdoor bar in August 2019.
My stomach was in knots and I felt so shy, I initially hid behind my sunglasses and listened to Aaron and Kasey chatting about football.
But as the sun went down, I took off my shades and finally made eye contact with Kasey.
It was love at first sight. Glancing at Aaron, I knew he felt the chemistry, too.
After talking all evening, it was clear we all liked each other, so we started dating.
Pretty quickly, we established we were all on the same wavelength, keen to have fun and not interested in having kids.
I felt a special connection to Kasey, while Aaron said that as a sports-mad handywoman who also loved make-up and romcoms, she brought the best of both worlds to our relationship.
That December, Aaron and I moved into Kasey’s townhouse in Colorado, and we became a triad.
When we broke the news to our loved ones, many struggled at first.
My family thought Aaron was in it for the younger woman, Aaron’s family thought I just wanted a same-sex relationship, while Kasey’s family thought she was being taken advantage of by a couple.
We knew they all needed time to understand that the three of us had fallen in love with each other.
It took almost a year before we felt comfortable coming out to our wider friends, extended families and on social media.
The three of us soon settled into a routine, including regular triad date nights at the weekend and spending time together in pairs during the week.
We created a rota for our dates, with Aaron and Kasey watching football, Aaron and I cooking together, and Kasey and I enjoying pole-dancing classes and watching romcoms.
It’s like having four different relationships – me and Aaron, me and Kasey, Aaron and Kasey, and the relationship with all three of us.
There’s relatively little jealousy, but in the beginning we each had our own fears. Kasey was coming into an established 20-year history, Aaron faced the intense chemistry between Kasey and me, and I worried about losing the dynamic between me and Aaron.
But we had regular check-ins and worked hard to understand where each other’s insecurities were coming from.
We all moved to Florida in 2021 and we now live in a friendly LGBTQIA+ community called Gulfport.
But, still, when we’re all out together, we do get some looks.
And you can see the wheels spinning in people’s heads when we check into a hotel room together.
People are fascinated by our sleeping arrangements, asking: “Do you all sleep together?” and the answer is: “Yes!” We have a king-size bed and we alternate who goes in the middle.
Popping the question to Kasey felt like the natural next step to prove how committed we all were to each other.
It was a joint decision – Aaron and I talked about it – though Kasey was so surprised, she kept saying: “OMG”, then: “Yes, of course!”
Although we can’t legally marry, we’ve arranged a commitment ceremony in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, in November.
Most of our loved ones will be there to celebrate with us, as they are now supportive of our triad.
Kasey and I have already been dress shopping together, as we don’t want to clash.
Now, I work as a relationship coach specialising in ethical non-monogamy.
I help people work out why they are interested in it and ensure they’re doing it for the right reasons.
Couples shouldn’t be trying to fix a problem and everyone should be enthusiastically consenting.
Ethical non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, but in our relationship, more people equals more love.
For us, three isn’t a crowd – it’s a party.
- Follow Rachael, Aaron and Kasey @Triadandtrue.
KASEY SAYS: “As a bisexual woman, I’d been in throuple relationships before, but they hadn’t ended well.
“I’d been dumped by a couple in my last triad relationship and been cheated on in a relationship before that.
“I was nervous about becoming a couple’s plaything, but when I met Aaron and Rachael, they soon proved to me that they had done their research and were serious about making a genuine and equal connection.
“Plus, they were both gorgeous! I couldn’t believe it when I saw them both down on one knee together, proposing to me.
“Being in an ethical triad means there’s always someone around to talk to, be supportive or have fun with.
“Now we have a lifetime of adventures to look forward to together.”