Erik Ten Hag is having a worse week than Rishi Sunak – Man Utd are a crumbling s***show on and off pitch
RISHI SUNAK might think he’s had a terrible week but at least he can console himself with the knowledge that it’s not been as bad as Erik ten Hag’s.
They used to say that being England manager was the impossible job but it turns out that the boss of Manchester United has it even harder.
And Ten Hag must be wondering just how many black cats he has run over to deserve the s***show he’s stumbled into at Old Trafford.
Just about everything that can go wrong has gone wrong for the bewildered Dutchman in the last few days.
He was desperately clutching at straws when he tried to blame VAR for Sunday’s 3-1 defeat at Arsenal.
But little did he know that was going to be the least of his problems when the wheels started to fall off the United bandwagon.
Within hours of that Emirates beating, Jadon Sancho had taken to social media to accuse his manager of lying about the reason for his absence from the squad.
The following day Antony was kicked out of the Brazil squad following complaints of domestic abuse from a former girlfriend.
Throw in Mason Greenwood, who has just been shipped out on loan to Getafe to avoid a public backlash, and that’s a hat-trick of wrong ‘uns tarnishing the club’s reputation.
United are now under pressure to suspend Antony and deny suggestions that they tried to cover up his alleged bust-up.
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And just for good measure, £550million has been wiped off the club’s share price in a single day on the back of claims that the Glazers are not selling up after all.
No wonder Ten Hag has taken advantage of this week’s international break to get away from it all.
The poor sod needs a good lie down after all that.
Yet it’s difficult to feel too much sympathy because if he’d grabbed the bull by the horns when he was first approached by United, he would have insisted on signing Harry Kane and Declan Rice as a condition of him accepting their offer.
Instead he’s blown £375m in a random supermarket sweep which has left the team no better than the one he inherited from Ralf Rangnick.
A report this week reveals that United have had a net transfer spend of £1.2billion over the past decade, more than any other team in the world.
And they’ve got naff all to show for it apart from a couple of League Cups, one FA Cup and one Europa League.
Just about everything that can go wrong has gone wrong for the bewildered Dutchman in the last few days
Mark Irwin on Ten Hag
Certainly nothing like the trophy haul the supporters were accustomed to when Sir Alex Ferguson was calling the shots.
For the last ten years David Moyes, Louis van Gaal, Jose Mourinho, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer and Rangnick have all tried and failed to bring the glory days back to Old Trafford.
Now it’s Ten Hag who is struggling to live up to expectations in his first big job outside of the Dutch Eredivisie.
United were massively flattered by last season’s third place finish but rather than papering over the cracks it has left them in danger of their shortcomings being exposed by Champions League football.
They cannot buy a win away from home and even the recent home victories against lowly Wolves and Nottingham Forest were a real slog.
Against Arsenal on Sunday they started off with Casemiro and Christian Eriksen chasing shadows in the middle of the park and ended it with Jonny Evans and Harry Maguire creaking in central defence.
Four games into the new season and they are already six points adrift of the noisy neighbours and effectively out of the title race.
Mission Impossible? Where’s Tom Cruise when you need him?
JOR DROPPING
JORDAN HENDERSON fell flat on his face with his cack-handed attempts to explain his not-as-lucrative-as-you-might-think transfer to Al-Ettifaq.
But the timing of his first interview on the day England’s squad assembled at St George’s Park could not have been more cynical.
Henderson knew that he was going to be quizzed over his controversial move on his first return to the UK since leaving Liverpool.
So he agreed to a pre-arranged interview which allows him to claim there is no need for further questions as he has already addressed all the issues.
It’s a brazen bid to control the narrative but I don’t think this one is going to sportswash.
JACKO’S SIMPLY THE BUST
THE most surreal moment of my reporting career came in April 2011 when I covered the unveiling of the Michael Jackson statue at Craven Cottage.
The look on everyone’s face when Mohamed Al Fayed drew back the cover to reveal the giant monstrosity was a moment I will never forget.
Sadly, the Venus de Shamone didn’t last beyond Fayed’s ownership and was briefly housed at the National Football Museum before disappearing from public view in 2019.
But now that Fayed has sadly passed, wouldn’t it be nice if the statue was brought out of mothballs to mark the great man’s grave?
It’s what he would have wanted.
FALLEN ANGEL
SPANISH football continues to tear itself apart over disgraced federation president Luis Rubiales following the sacking of women’s boss Jorge Vilda.
Among the first to call for the head of El Cid the Sexist was Getafe president Angel Torres, who has just confirmed his #MeToo credentials by recruiting Mason Greenwood.
Fallen Angel has justified the signing by pointing out that Greenwood has not been convicted of anything after charges of attempted rape and sexual assault.
So that’s OK then.
TENNIS ELBOWED
THE last Brit bowed out of the US Open on Monday when Jack Draper lost to Andrey Rublev in the fourth round.
In my (very brief) time as this paper’s tennis correspondent, the first major event I covered was the 1998 French Open.
In the opening match at Roland Garros, Greg Rusedeski was beaten in straight sets.
Half an hour later, Tim Henman retired injured.
Three hours into my new career and I was catching the Eurostar back to London.
Fourth round? Luxury.
WE’RE NOT COMMON PEOPLE
BIRMINGHAM City Council has just been declared bankrupt and part of the debt has been blamed on hosting last year’s Commonwealth Games.
The Aussies have already withdrawn from staging the 2026 games and Canada has cancelled its bid to stage the 2030 event because of the costs involved.
So as intriguing as it might be for the chance to watch Bangladesh taking on the Cook Islands at lawn bowls, maybe it’s time to knock the whole thing on the head before we all go broke.