I love my fiancée but it’s my male ex-lover that I think about in bed

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M due to get married to a woman next month but I can’t stop thinking about the man I had an affair with.

I know there’s no future with him as he’s married. But I’m not sure if I’m having last minute nerves or if I should call the whole thing off. 

I’m 40, my fiancée is 36. The man I had an affair with is 44.

He’s a minor celebrity and nobody knows he likes men as well as women.

My fiancée has no idea I’m bisexual either.

I met my former lover at his book signing.

There was an instant spark between us and he wrote something funny and suggestive in the book when I bought it.

Then he asked if I was staying until the end of the signing session and suggested we go for a drink. 

Halfway through the second pint, we left the bar and went  to his hotel for sex.

It was the first time I’d been with another man since I was a student and it was incredible. 

After that, we got together for sex whenever he was in town. It was always exciting because it was so furtive. 

Not only could his wife not find out, but neither could the media.

Our affair fizzled out about a year ago.

Since then, I’ve fallen more deeply in love with my fiancée. Our wedding is imminent. 

I do love her but it’s my ex-lover who I think about in bed.

I know if he called me up, I wouldn’t be able to resist him.

Should I tell my fiancée about my affair, or should I go through with the wedding and act like it never happened?

DEIDRE SAYS: What is most concerning is not that you had an affair, but that you admit you would still entertain him if he contacted you. 

Your fiancée doesn’t know you’re bisexual and it’s not fair that you’re fantasising about your former lover when you’re in bed with her.

It’s time to be honest with yourself. 

Ask yourself why you cheated with a man and why you haven’t been honest about your sexuality. 

Bisexuality is not an excuse for infidelity. It’s time to take responsibility for your own life.

For confidential, informed advice, contact Switchboard LGBT+ (switchboard.lgbt, 0800 0119 100).

There is more advice and guidance in my Bisexual Questions support pack.