My manipulative ex is using our son to stay in my life – how can I get him to leave me alone?
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I broke up with my manipulative ex, I thought I could finally be free.
But he won’t let me move on and he’s using our son to stay in my life. I’m 27 and he’s 26. We have an 18-month-old boy.
I was really unhappy when we were together because he was so controlling.
He didn’t want me to have friends or to go out without him. Stupidly, I got pregnant.
However, I decided to keep the baby, and he truly is the love of my life.
As I’d anticipated, my ex was hopeless with our son.
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He never gave me money and he couldn’t be relied upon to look after him. So, six months ago, I ended the relationship.
I said I wouldn’t stop him seeing his son but the rest of my life was none of his business. He hasn’t listened.
Since we split, he’s rung me every day and questions every parenting decision I make.
He’s still really unreliable and mean with money but always seems to have cash for the pub.
A month ago, I got into a new relationship with an old friend who is 28.
He’s brilliant with my son and already more of a dad to him than my ex.
As you can imagine, my ex isn’t happy. He’s now saying he wants to see our son more, even though he doesn’t always turn up when he’s supposed to.
I think he’s just trying to cause trouble in my new relationship.
How can I get him to leave me alone and be a better father? I don’t want to have to go to court.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Controlling partners often use their kids as a way to continue to manipulate their exes. Read my support pack, Abusive Partner.
If your ex won’t listen to you or stick to your informal arrangements, I’m afraid you do need to get legal advice and put formal provisions in place.
Contact Only Mums, an organisation for women who are separating from their partner, including those in domestic abuse situations.
They can help you with free legal information (onlymums.org).
As for your new partner, it’s great he’s so good with your son.
But do remember the relationship is very new, so it would be wise not to rely on him.