My girlfriend can’t keep a job and it’s ruining our relationship

DEAR DEIDRE: I LOVE my girlfriend with all of my heart but her inability to keep a job is ruining our relationship.

How can I focus on building a future with someone who can barely afford to pay her share of the rent?

I’m 37 and she’s 34. We’ve  been together nine years and since the beginning she has been in and out of work, swapping jobs every few months.

I assumed this was something that would change as we grew up.

Things would always follow the same pattern. She would get a job, try for the first few weeks then after a while she would start calling in sick and slacking until she was eventually let go.

She hasn’t kept a single job for more than five months. 

I’ve tried multiple times to speak to her but she always blames something or someone else.

Because she never has any money, I end up having to pay most of our expenses.

Nothing changes and I’m starting to resent her for it. A part of me wonders if I would be better off without her.

DEIDRE SAYS: It isn’t surprising that you’ve had enough. Your girlfriend is in denial about her working habits and you are paying the price. 

It’s understandable you’re worried about building a future together if she has no job security. A relationship goes both ways and it’s not your responsibility to have to pick up the pieces. 

If you want to make things work then you need to sit down with her and have a serious conversation.

Tell her how worried and stressed you feel. You can be quite firm and spell out that you need her to pay her way. 

If she can’t step up, you will need to consider walking away. My support pack Ending A Relationship will help.