Do I take back my cheating husband or serve him with divorce papers?
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M agonising over whether to take back my cheating husband, again, or instead serve him with divorce papers.
He’s treated me appallingly but the thought of starting my life again, alone, is terrifying.
I’m 48 and he’s 50. We’ve been married for 20 years and have a daughter, who recently left home.
My husband has had at least two affairs.
After the last one, he promised he would never stray again. He plied me with flowers and jewellery, said I was the love of his life and begged me to take him back. It was all just words.
Two months ago, I learned he was at it again, with a woman from work. I saw the messages.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
He’s begged for forgiveness, told me he’s weak, even promised he’ll come to counselling if I’ll give him one last chance.
But for me, the trust has gone, and I know I will never be able to get it back.
He’s shown me that he is a selfish liar who’ll say anything to have his cake and eat it too.
Yet, even though he’s stamped all over our marriage vows, they still mean something to me – which is why it’s so hard for me to walk away.
Am I wrong to call it quits for good this time?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If you feel your marriage can’t recover from your husband’s cheating, then of course you’re not wrong to end it.
No relationship can work if the trust has been irrevocably destroyed. Sometimes, trying again just leads to more misery.
It sounds like you feel guilty about ending things and want permission to do so.
But you have no reason to feel guilt. You deserve happiness and security. Divorce is never easy, but there is help out there for you.
Read my support pack, Thinking Of Divorce, for more detailed advice.