Living with my boyfriend was a dream until I found out about his double life
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER eight happy years together, moving in with my boyfriend felt logical – but I’ve now discovered he is leading a double life.
I’m 34, he’s 38 and it’s fair to say our relationship has always been slightly turbulent.
While I never had any doubts about the love we shared, we had our ups and downs.
Over the years we’ve broken up a handful of times, but within weeks we would always find our way back to one another.
When we decided to finally move in together, I hoped it would be the making of us and I was so excited.
The first few weeks were an absolute dream.
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He cooked for me and often came home with flowers. It was easy to get swept up in it.
Then one day, when he was in the shower, I saw a message pop up on his phone from a woman I didn’t recognise.
I know it was wrong but I couldn’t help looking. I was in pieces when I read through the conversation.
Scrolling through their messages, I learned he’d been having an affair for four years and they shared a two-year-old daughter.
She seemed completely oblivious to my existence.
I can’t understand how I didn’t notice something was amiss. I feel so stupid.
How could he do this to me? My heart is shattered.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This man has lied to you and, no doubt, to this other woman for years. You aren’t stupid and shouldn’t for one minute think this is your fault.
Your boyfriend knew exactly what he was doing and clearly went to great lengths to hide his duplicity from you.
Whatever his excuse may be, he betrayed you in such a cynical way that recovering (whether you decide to stay with him or not) will be a challenge.
If you choose to end the relationship, give yourself time and space to grieve properly for the future you lost and be kind to yourself.
If you are considering giving him another chance, please take your time to ensure he is truly regretful, and work through the changes you both need in your relationship to strengthen it.
If for one moment he doesn’t display the right commitment, walk away – otherwise you can guarantee it will only be a matter of time before he disrespects you again.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you.