My lover has gone silent after months of assuring me of her divorce

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER months of assuring me that she was getting a divorce, my married lover has gone silent.

I’m starting to wonder if everything she ever said to me was a lie, and I can’t help but feel used. 

She’s 40, I’m 42 and we’ve been embroiled in an affair for the past three years.

Since the moment we met, I’ve been besotted with her, and I   believed she felt the same.

She promised me again and again that she wanted to build a future with me, but said she needed time to figure things out with her husband because of their two children.

At first I didn’t mind waiting. After all, I thought we had a lifetime together ahead of us. But  months passed and I started to wonder if she was telling me the truth.

Whenever I asked how the divorce was coming along, she would shrug it off and tell me that it was only a matter of time.

But my anxieties proved justified two weeks ago when she fell silent on me.

I called her many times before she admitted things had become tricky with the divorce and that she needed space.

Now I’m starting to worry that I have been taken for a fool. I’m not sure how much longer I can wait.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your lover may be telling the truth, that she loves you and wants to build a future together, but that doesn’t mean she is ready, willing or even able to leave her family.

It could be that she is finding it hard to end things, or that she has decided to stay and doesn’t know how to tell you. 

The best thing is to be honest and tell her how you feel. Perhaps give her a time limit. Tell her you will wait for a specified period but, after that, you need to move on with your life.

My support pack Your Lover Not Free will help you consider your options.