Losing my dog left me suicidal – I felt like I’d been hit by a train and couldn’t breathe, admits Chris Packham
SPRINGWATCH’S Chris Packham has opened up about the death of his dog and his lowest ever moment.
The 62-year-old TV presenter ‘came very close to killing’ himself after the tragedy while battling mental health issues.
In a recent interview with the Mirror’s Men in Mind podcast, which is associated with the charity Mind, Chris, who is autistic, revealed his past battles with mental health.
In recent years, the Springwatch star has had a tough time after receiving death threats and vicious online trolling, but his beloved dog’s death was what tipped him over the edge.
Chris explained to the hosts that his dog, Fish, was given to him on his 40th birthday, but he was run over and bled to death in his arms a year later.
Subsequently, after the heartbreaking incident, he tried to take his own life.
He stated: “I was suicidal… but I didn’t have enough pills. That’s what it came down to.”
After his suicide attempt, Chris was frightened by what had happened, so he went to his doctor and requested for therapy sessions.
He continued: “It was like I got hit by a train. It was like I was winded, I could barely breathe because of everything that was coming out, and it had been locked up for so long.”
Chris also admitted suffering from other desperate moments, even while undergoing treatment.
He revealed: “I’d started to spend a lot of time in France, and I was on my own there for quite long periods, and on another occasion, I came very close to killing myself.
“And what kept me alive were the dogs, I just looked down, and I thought, ‘I can’t leave them’.
“It was the fact that there wasn’t anyone else at that point who could have loved them as much as I did.”
Big animal lover, Chris has always been very vocal about his opposition to fox hunting and has campaigned for measures to protect birds from being shot to be put in place.
In 2019, he went through a horrific ordeal when dead crows were strung up outside his home.
Two years after that, the terror continued when the gates to his house were fire-bombed by masked men.
He expressed that he was worried about the physical threats he had received but that the trolling didn’t really bother him.
He explained: “When the gates were blown up I made a table from their burned remains. The texture of the wood after the fire was beautifully iridescent and crinkled, and I’ve had it set in resin.
“I’m going to auction it to raise money, which I’ll give to a charity in direct opposition to the people who are most likely to have blown up the gates.”
Chris believes his autism, which he was diagnosed with in 2005, is his superpower.
He noted that it gives him the strength to cope with the situations he goes through, as one of the traits that seem familiar in autistic people is having an ‘aggravated sense of injustice’ and not allowing people to get away with things.
The TV star also admitted that he had always felt different and would spend his time rescuing animals instead of playing with his friends when he was younger.
As a child at school, he was horrifically bullied and was relieved to go to university, but he did not have any luck finding friends.
However, he told the hosts that his pets have always been his best friends, and in his darkest times, he has always turned to them for comfort.
Chris also discussed the time he blew up an oil pipeline with a green campaigner in a recent documentary titled Chris Packham: Is It Time To Break The Law?
The Conservationist also praised the ‘highly intelligent’ Just Stop Oil protester who was jailed for bringing the M25 to a 40-hour standstill.
The documentary aired on Channel 4 last month, and it explored the contentious issue of whether environmental activists are right to break the law to save the planet.
For help and support, contact Samaritans on 116 123.