I thought flirting with my boss was a good idea until things spiralled…
DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT a little flirting with my boss would help me at work, but things spiralled and I’m now caught up in a full-blown affair.
I don’t even fancy him. It’s such a mess and I’m scared it will ruin the career I’ve worked hard for.
I’m 27 and work in marketing. He is 49.
When I got the job this year, my boss made it clear he found me attractive.
He was always attentive and complimentary, and he’d make flirty remarks and be quite tactile when we were alone.
I didn’t see any harm in playing along, so I started flirting back.
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Even though he’s way too old for me and not my type, I got a thrill out of knowing it was forbidden.
And it probably helped me at work — landing the best clients and most lucrative accounts.
But a few weeks ago we went on a training weekend, and both got very drunk. Somehow, I ended up in his hotel room having sex with him. Since then, he seems to think we’re an item.
He says we have to keep it secret because of his wife, and workplace rules, which suits me because I’d die if anyone found out.
I’ve had sex with him on one more occasion, but since then I’ve been making every excuse under the sun to avoid doing it again.
His flirting now makes me feel sick. But I don’t know how to extricate myself from this situation. I’m worried I might lose my job and everyone’s respect. I’m such a fool.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You clearly regret this decision – but rather than beating yourself up, try to learn from the experience and trust your own ability at work.
This boss is older and holds a position of power over you. He should not have started flirting with you.
You must tell him you want to resume a purely professional relationship and that your affair needs to stop.
Be firm and let him know your fling was completely inappropriate.
If he doesn’t accept this, warn him that if he continues to pursue you it would count as sexual harassment and he would be judged very poorly.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself should help you to do this.
Contact ACAS for independent advice on workplace issues (acas.org, 0300 1231100).