My teenage daughter has an angry streak and nobody can get through to her
DEAR DEIDRE: TWO years ago my daughter was vibrant and full of joy but today she is resentful, rude and aggressive.
It is heartbreaking to see how she has changed, and I can’t get through to her.
She is 17 and I’m her 49-year-old dad. She is aggressive with her mum, my long-term partner and her 12-year-old brother.
Something changed in her from the day she went to theatre school.
She began questioning herself and losing confidence.
On a physical level she has lost so much weight and looks awful.
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She was always such a beautiful dancer and loved singing.
Now she has turned her back on both and says she’s not interested any longer.
If I try to talk to her, she shuts me down and gets angry.
On particularly bad days she pushes her mum around and lashes out at her brother.
She does have a job in a fast-food place, so at least she is doing something with her day.
But when she returns home from work she goes straight up to her room and won’t join us for a meal or to talk about her day.
I’m so worried. What can I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Teens often stop communicating with their parents but this sounds more concerning than normal withdrawal.
The anger and aggression suggest something has happened which has deeply affected her self-esteem and led to extreme frustration.
When you can speak to her in a calm moment, reassure her you love her and will always be there for her.
Tell her if she wants to talk to you or anyone else about anything that worries her, you will support her.
But she will also benefit from clear boundaries, so firmly explain that you will not tolerate any aggression in your home.
It’s simply unacceptable behaviour and unfair on you and your son.
But whenever you do get the smallest opportunity, do listen to her without judgment – to encourage her to open up.
It’s encouraging that she is working and it would be good to build on this.
The Prince’s Trust, which helps vulnerable young people get their lives back on track, could be brilliant for her.
You would also get great help from the YoungMinds Parents Helpline (youngminds.org.uk).