My husband told me he no longer finds me attractive as I have put on weight

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been married for three years and have gradually piled on the pounds.

I wish I could say my husband accepts me as I am, but last night he told me he doesn’t want me sexually any more as I’m too fat.

I don’t have a lot of confidence and this has stamped out the last bit of self-esteem I had.

We have never had a great sex life.

He’s got a low sex drive and would only ever have intercourse with me if I went on top and did all the work.

I am 31 and he is 34. When we met I was a size 12 but I’m now a size 20.

I have a knee injury so going on top is pretty painful for me but unless we did it that way, he would simply refuse me.

Now he says I’m too heavy even for that.

The last time we had sex, he told me to get off him as soon as he’d climaxed because he felt squashed.

He didn’t care that I hadn’t orgasmed.

I’m so miserable in the relationship but even so I wouldn’t ever cheat on him.

I’ve caught him countless times flirting and messaging women on Facebook and Instagram and I wouldn’t be surprised if he has cheated on me.

How do I turn things around and get him to fancy me again?

He knows I really want children but how is that going to happen if he won’t even have sex with me?

I know I need to lose weight.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your weight is not the problem, your husband’s selfish and cruel treatment of you is.

He’s treated you so badly that you have lost all your confidence and now believe your size is the issue.

He knows you want children and now refuses to have sex with you while humiliating you and flirting with other women.

He doesn’t seem to care a jot for your feelings.

I would urge you to talk to someone outside of the situation to help you see his behaviour for what it is – narcissism.

And read my support pack How Counselling Can Help.