I am tired of asking my boyfriend for sex – he would rather watch porn

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERYONE thinks it’s always the man who wants sex more than the woman, but in my relationship it’s the opposite way around.

Last year we only had sex nine times in total and on each occasion I had to ask. I’m 29 and he’s 31.

The lack of sex is the only issue in our relationship, and apart from this we are completely smitten.

We have discussed our different sex drives several times and he always says he’s simply not that bothered by sex.

But he also admits that he masturbates once or twice a week to online porn.

This leaves me feeling that he would rather pleasure himself than make an effort with me.

Over the past six months we have agreed to schedule sex and now have it once a week.

But I’ve got to admit it makes me feel a little sad that there is no spontaneity.

In the past I’ve asked him to make a move on me every now and then but when he does I don’t really enjoy it because I feel like he’s only doing it at my request.

In an ideal world, I’d like to be having sex at least two to three times a week and he’d be initiating intimacy at least as much as me. What can I do?

He’s fit and healthy, so there is no reason he shouldn’t be able to keep up with me.

DEIDRE SAYS: People do have different sex drives. And while once a week isn’t enough for you, it would be too much for some others.

It is positive that you have arranged a pattern where you’re having sex regularly and that you have managed to compromise so far.

Is he being realistic about the amount of porn he is consuming?

A little adult content is unlikely to affect his sex drive but it might be worth talking to him about whether he’s watching more than he is prepared to let on.

In which case he might have an addiction which would definitely affect his drive with you.

If you can’t find a balance you’re both happy with, it would help to talk to a sex and relationship therapist.

COSRT (cosrt.org.uk) can help connect you with a reputable practitioner.