My husband is having sex with my best friend

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M heartbroken that my husband has been having it off with my best friend. Why would the people I love the most betray me?

The worst part is that they won’t even admit to it, and they  keep insisting that this is all some big misunderstanding. 

I’m 39, my husband is 42 and we’ve been married for eight years. 

My best friend is 40 and we’ve been friends for as long as I can remember. 

Recently I’d been having suspicions something was amiss with my husband. He  had become distant and it felt as if his energy had completely shifted. 

Naively, I assumed it was down to stress from work. No part of me believed he would consider cheating, especially not with my best friend.

Then one day a mutual friend of ours texted me asking to meet up.

I thought nothing of it until she told me over coffee that she had seen the two of them “kissing and all over each other” in a bar. I was gobsmacked.

When I confronted them, they denied it and even went as far as to suggest she had made the whole thing up.

Wanting to get to the bottom of it I suggested that the four of us meet to talk this through, but they both refused, saying that they didn’t want to waste their time talking to a liar.

If they were truly innocent, why would this be such an issue?

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve been betrayed and that is devastating.  Having feelings of sadness and anger is normal, especially if they’re refusing to admit to their wrongdoing.

While it’s difficult not to jump to conclusions, do try to consider why the other person may be telling you this information. Is it possible that she could be lying? 

If the answer is no and you truly trust her, then you need to speak openly and honestly with your husband. 

Explain how hurt you are and that you can’t move forward if he isn’t being honest with you about this.

Unless he’s willing to admit to his wrongdoing or provide an explanation, it will be impossible to rebuild trust, and without trust, no relationship can work.

My support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over It? will help.
A couples’ counsellor can also help. See tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).