I can’t bear to hold my little boy’s hand as it triggers horrifying flashbacks of him being on the brink of death
A MUM struggles to hold her nine-year-old son’s hands as they trigger horrifying flashbacks from almost losing him at birth.
Casey Major-Bunce is regularly caught off guard by visions of Kaiser fighting for life in hospital when he was just hours old.
The 33-year-old has shared her family’s frightening experience of birth brain injury and trauma to help other mums who have gone through the same.
Casey has four children who all needed to stay in the neonatal intensive care unit after being delivered.
But it was little Kaiser that left her with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which causes flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety and difficulty sleeping.
When the youngster was born, his heart wasn’t beating and he’d been starved of oxygen, resulting in hypoxic-ischaemic encephalopathy (HIE) – a type of brain damage.
Doctors treated him with cooling therapy, which meant his body temperature was around 34C.
A normal temperature for newborns is about 36.4C.
Kaiser wore a cool cap and vest, and medics sedated him so he stood the best chance of recovery.
Doing so is supposed to slow down any potentially swelling of the brain, limiting long-term damage.
But ever since then, Casey has found herself being transported back to those heart-wrenching moments, when she was unsure her son would make it.
During a recent trip to the cinema, she became overwhelmed with emotion when she held her son’s hand as it was freezing cold from holding an icy drink.
It reminded her of the terrifying time he spent in NICU.
Casey, from Portsmouth, said other moments frequently trigger her and take her straight back to that terrifying time when he was whisked straight from her.
She said: “When I touched him in his cot, it was like touching a block of ice.
“It was an unbearable time. After his birth I suffered from PTSD and had panic attacks and anxiety.
“I can mostly cope now but I still get waves of it.
“This recent flashback was when we went to watch the new Paw Patrol movie.
“Kaiser loves having an icy drink. He gets the cubes out and crunches them too so when I grabbed his hand and it was freezing cold I was taken by surprise.
“I got this familiar lump in my throat and I had to try so hard not to break down.
“It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing, something can always remind you of the trauma – a smell, a picture, or for me it was Kaiser’s cold hands.
“Hospital smells do the same thing.”
It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing, something can always remind you of the trauma.
Casey Major-Bunce
Casey said coping strategies she learnt during therapy sessions have helped her manage her symptoms.
“I use tools like naming all the things I can see around me and counting to 10,” she said.
“This can calm me down and stop me from being back in the theatre eight years ago, terrified that my baby wasn’t going to make it.”
Casey said doctors told her at the time that Kaiser had an uncertain future, warning that he may never walk or talk.
She added: “It was devastating to be told these things about your baby when I believed his birth injury was preventable.
“Even after everything we went through, I wouldn’t change it because we love Kaiser exactly how he is.
“His brain had to rewire and he has to live with certain challenges but he doesn’t know any different and I feel nothing but blessed to have him.
“He is my little miracle, my superhero.
“Some days I still get so angry but I never let him know.
Casey hopes that by sharing her story, she can reassure others.
“I know so many other families have been through birth trauma and you never know what quiet battles people are facing,” she said.
“That’s why it’s so important to be kind.”
What is PTSD?
POST-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events.
For example, this could be serious road accidents, violent personal assaults, serious health problems, or childbirth.
Someone with the condition often relives what happened through flashbacks and nightmares.
They may also experience anxiety, irritability, guilt, feelings of isolation, depression, difficulties concentrating and problems sleeping, like insomnia.
PTSD can happen immediately after an event, or weeks, months or even years later.
You should talk to a doctor if you are still having issues about four weeks after a traumatic experience, or if symptoms persist or are particularly troublesome.
You may need treatment, which could involve monitoring, antidepressants or talking therapies.
Source: NHS