My boyfriend arranged a threesome – and then accused me of cheating on him with the other man
DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING a threesome is my biggest fantasy, so when my boyfriend suggested one I was so excited.
But then when push came to shove he bottled it and left me with the other man. Now he’s saying that I cheated on him.
I’m 32, my boyfriend is 34 and we’ve been together for four years.
I had always wanted a threesome but my boyfriend was never keen, until we were on holiday in America.
One boozy night he announced he was interested and that one of the men we’d been chatting to seemed like the perfect third partner.
I was excited, especially as this other guy was attractive and seemed very flirty with both of us.
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We were doing shots together and my boyfriend broached the topic with him quietly, and then reported back to me that he was really interested.
Everything seemed perfect, my boyfriend and I were dancing together, and then this man joined in. I felt so sexy. But after my boyfriend came back from the toilet, he did a complete U-turn.
He pulled me aside, announcing it didn’t feel right any more and he was off to bed. It was so weird.
Stunned, I stayed and had a nightcap with our new friend. We went back to his room, talking the night away.
The next day my boyfriend was furious, even though I insisted nothing had happened. I promised him it was only friendly, but now he says he’ll never trust me again.
Was I naive to put myself in this situation? I still don’t think I’ve done anything wrong.
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DEIDRE SAYS: For some couples, threesomes can be fun, but for others, they can cause huge problems, including jealousy and a loss of trust.
It’s likely your boyfriend changed his mind because ultimately he didn’t like seeing you entertain other men.
Even though you didn’t take anything further, spending your entire night with the man he knew you wanted to have sex with probably sent his anxieties into overdrive.
Instead of being on the defensive, try to talk to him about his feelings and listen with open ears.
Showing him that you care and understand his point of view will help ease things between you.
My support pack Relationship MOT will help you, as might couples therapy. See tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).