Stepdaughter wants to ruin my relationship with her dad and she’s succeeding

DEAR DEIDRE: MY stepdaughter is close to achieving her goal – ruining my relationship with her dad.

I live with my partner and his two children stay with us every other week.

He has a 17-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter who is a complete nightmare.

I’m 47 and my partner is 46. My children have left home.

She has been brought up like a princess and is spoiled by both her parents who don’t get along.

They argue constantly over each other’s views on child-rearing.

It’s meant their daughter lies, manipulates, throws tantrums and dislikes any form of authority.

Recently we went on holiday which went well until the last day. My step-daughter asked for more time in the pool.

She was given an extra hour but when it was time to go she threw a tantrum and ran off.

We were beside ourselves with worry, not knowing where she was.

While we were searching for her, her mum called us up accusing us of kicking my stepdaughter out.

This sparked a huge argument over the phone and I was blamed entirely.

I can’t see how to manage the situation better. I always used to think I got on with everyone but this is really getting me down.

DEIDRE SAYS: It seems your daughter’s father sees no issue with her behaviour.

This is likely because he feels guilty over the split between himself and her mother.

When parents split, it’s a lot for a child to cope with and this may have been highly damaging for her.

The more your step-daughter’s behaviour comes between you, the bigger the gap between you will grow, giving the opportunity for more leverage to set you against one another.

Talk to your partner and tell him how unhappy you are. Ask him if you can agree to some basic boundaries to help a unified approach from both of you.

If he refuses to take you seriously and make some changes, you may have to decide if this relationship has a future.

My Stepfamilies support pack will help and you can contact familylives.org.uk for further guidance.