I have had sex with different men at every Christmas party and worry boyfriend will find out

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE had sex with a different man at every one of my Christmas parties – and I’ve been out most nights for three weeks.

I’m not proud of my track record and worry I’ll lose my boyfriend at this rate.

I’m 36 and my bloke is 39. We go back years together as we dated at college.

I’ve been divorced for eight years after my husband cheated on me.

My boyfriend, who never married, had moved away in his early 20s and we lost contact with each other.

But I ran into him in a pub in town when he was visiting mates.

We started a relationship again but he lives more than 150 miles away and I only see him when he visits his relatives who live locally or I get the train to his.

The relationship was casual at first so I’d see him when he was home but I’d behave like a single girl the rest of the time, hooking up with blokes on nights out and regularly having sex with men I’d just met in their cars.

My boyfriend and I have now been together for two years and I’ve really fallen for him.

I know I have to put an end to the repeated cheating, or I’ll lose him.

But last night I was at it again with a bloke who kept smiling at me then stroked my bum as he walked by. We were having sex within the hour.

My family and friends think my boyfriend is perfect for me. They know about my antics and keep on at me to stop. But this habit is hard to break.

DEIDRE SAYS: From what you’ve written I imagine your husband and perhaps other formative relationships were emotionally damaging.

You explain he cheated on you, which in itself is enough to damage anyone’s self-esteem.

Your behaviour suggests you feel you’re worth no more than a quickie.

Even in this relationship with your boyfriend, it seems all on his terms, and perhaps you are afraid of asking for more? Why isn’t he making special trips just to see you?

It would be good for you to build up your confidence, then in time you will see you don’t need attention from others for your own affirmation.

You can put an end to one-night stands by changing your behaviour so instead of going drinking, visit the cinema with friends, or get involved in other interests.

Talk to your boyfriend about where your relationship is going and know that it’s normal to ask more from him.

Read my support packs Hooked On Casual Sex? and Raising Self-esteem which will help.

It would also be wise to get checked over at a sexual health clinic. To find out how to go about this, and where your nearest one is, go to nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health.