I’m a proud ‘trad wife’ who quit £30K job to cook and clean for hubby – you can’t have a career and a happy marriage
A WEEK before she walked down the aisle, Anabella Stasinska gave up her job as a kitchen designer – with no intention of ever returning.
The 30-year-old ditched her career to become a stay-at-home wife, making husband Peter and any future children her number one priority.
Anabella is one of a growing number of UK women who identify as Tradwives.
They believe modern society is eroding traditional values which saw women stay at home to care for their husbands and children.
Anabella, who lives near Chester, said: “There is a saying, ‘happy wife, happy life,’ and that’s certainly true.
“I’m happy staying at home. It might not be for everyone, but I love it.
“It doesn’t mean I neglect my own needs – it just means my family is my first priority.
“I feel that modern women are being exploited in a way. We are giving up our health, our time and our mental wellness to try to do it all and have no time for ourselves anymore.
“I believe men want to be the providers, that’s it is natural for a man to want to feel protective over his partner.
“I don’t expect to live like a millionaire, but to me my husband is supposed to be able to provide a house, put food on the table and pay the bills. The basic stuff.
“Then if I want to work I can, and that money should be spent on whatever I want.”
Anabella and her steel worker husband Peter are planning to have children, who she will potentially home school.
On an average day, she spends the morning cooking breakfast for Peter’s return from a night shift, before cleaning her house top to bottom including the cooker, fridge and bathrooms.
She then goes shopping for his favourite meals, including organic milk from the local farm.
She is keen on gardening and wants to grow her own vegetables to help save money now their income has halved.
Any spare time is spent playing volleyball, exercising and scrolling YouTube for “future business ideas”.
Submissive
Anabella, who comes originally from Poland, says she also spends time working out their budget, after the couple’s income dropped by more than £30,000 when she left her job in April 2023.
She claims she and Peter barely argue because each has a defined role in the house.
She admits to being ‘a little bit submissive’ to Peter, but insists he is not in control of her – and it was her idea to become a tradwife.
Anabella said: “I am not a slave and Peter supports me in everything I want to do.
I am not a slave and Peter supports me in everything I want to do
Anabella Stasinska
“I see stressed working women shouting at their husbands and abusing them in public. The amount of women who are aggressive is terrible.
“This is not how life is meant to be. You are a team. You both bring different things, different values to the relationship.
“I have so much love towards my husband because I understand how hard it is for him. I appreciate him going to work for me.
What is a tradwife?
A tradwife (short for traditional wife) is a woman who chooses to take on an ultra traditional role in marriage, meaning she makes dinner and looks pretty whilst her husband goes to work.
The trend takes inspiration from the idea of a 1950s housewife. Many tradwives choose to dress in the style of clothing popular in this period (think floral dresses and frumpy cardigans).
Additionally, the values considered important to tradwvies are similar to strict Christian values.
Tradwifes state that they are not forced into this way of life, and believe that it is their purpose to be homemakers.
“Sometimes he’s really tired but he still goes out there and provides for me.
“I think if you are a ‘boss babe’ it encourages conflict because you make lots of money but it still falls to women to do most of the housework and child-rearing. So it makes them stressed.
“They look for help and start to tell their husbands how things are supposed to be, and that’s what causes problems.
“I try not to run my mouth too much. Being a tradwife isn’t about being submissive, but it’s a big part of the story.
I think if you are a ‘boss babe’ it encourages conflict because you make lots of money but it still falls to women to do most of the housework and child-rearing. So it makes them stressed
Anabella Stasinska
“Peter is happy to support me in any way he can but to a point you have to be submissive because one person has to be the leader. If you’re both trying to push against each other it doesn’t work.
“We get on so much better now I don’t work.”
Anabella says she has access to her husband’s bank account – their sole income – but will ask if it’s okay to treat herself if she wants to buy make-up or clothes.
She said: “I’ve always got some spare money and if I need something I will ask my husband if we can afford something.
“I’m going to think about whether I really need it right now and if it’s the most important thing to buy at that moment in time.
“But I don’t ask for much. I definitely spent more money when I was working.”
Self-imposed rules
Anabella said she laid the ‘groundwork’ to become a tradwife when she started dating her husband three years ago, after they met on Tinder.
She followed a set of self-imposed rules when she signed up to dating apps, adding: “Being a traditional wife is not just about working or not working.
“It’s about the boundaries you set when you date.
“When I was on dating sites I had rules I wouldn’t break for anyone, including Peter.
“He lived an hour away but I would never travel to see him, I wouldn’t pay for meals and I didn’t want to have sex until we were a well established couple.
“Some men I dated didn’t really understand my approach, so those relationships just didn’t work out.”
I try not to run my mouth too much. Being a tradwife isn’t about being submissive, but it’s a big part of the story
Anabella Stasinska
Anabella believes that consumerism leads both partners to feel the need to constantly work – and that children could suffer as a result.
She said: “We get this idea that we should be living lives of luxury and that usually comes from two incomes.
“I have a lot of female friends who don’t get a minute. They don’t get time to be parents because they are so busy working and providing – and they feel broken as a result.
“As a woman I think the most important thing is to prioritise your family rather than your career or work.
“I talk to so many women who say they would cut down their hours or give up careers to spend more time with their children. What’s the point of paying a nanny to look after your kids?
“You have no idea what kind of values the nanny is giving them or how loving they are.”
‘Made us stronger’
Tradwives have been linked to the far-right, with some claiming feminism pushes men down in the pecking order of society
In 2020, UK based extremism researcher Julia Ebner suggested as many as 30,000 British women identify with the tradwife movement.
However, Anabella has no affiliation with such groups and says she simply wants women to see that there is an alternative way to live.
She said: “I think it’s more about choosing safety and getting married and having a stable home and a good set of values.
As a woman I think the most important thing is to prioritise your family rather than your career or work
Anabella Stasinska
“I feel safe because I know my husband has my back and he’s always there for me. I don’t go out putting my life in danger, partying and taking drugs and doing all sorts.
“I’m not in competition with my husband over who has done the most work like a lot of women are.
“A lot of people are afraid of getting married or living on one income in case something happens to the relationship.
“I’m not advocating that women don’t get an education or work before they meet their husbands, and that’s something they can always fall back on if it does go wrong.
“It’s not for everyone, but becoming a tradwife has made me very, very happy and Peter and I have never been stronger.”
Anabella has launched a new YouTube channel – @peacefulparadise7 – to talk about her life as a tradwife.