Dating app users divided over ‘offensive’ question asked before first date
DATING app users have been left divided over whether to ask an “offensive” question.
One woman took to social media to query whether it is acceptable to request someone’s surname before meeting for the first time.
The anonymous user told how her potential suitor refused to volunteer the “simple information” before they arranged to meet, and became annoyed when confronted about it.
The singleton then questioned whether she was wrong to want to know the first and last name of the man she was going to see for the first time.
She explained in the post: “Been chatting to a guy for just over a week, no red flags so far and had two long phone calls that were nice.
“He suggested meeting and I agreed.
“So tonight I asked for his surname. He didn’t want to give me it and said no one had ever asked for it before.
“I explained I’m meeting him in an unfamiliar city, and the one photo he sent me was a disappearing one so I knew nothing more than a first name. I just wanted to be able to tell my daughter who I’m going out with.
“He said he didn’t know what I might do with his personal information.”
The woman says the interaction made her feel “unsafe” and asked other dating app users for their opinion on the dilemma.
She continued: “He’s previously also said he has no social media when I asked him for it, so I don’t feel safe now and have messaged to say maybe it’s not a good idea.
“He’s so offended and said ‘It doesn’t feel great that you think I’m dangerous after saying I don’t want to give you my name because I don’t know you’.”
“So doesn’t that mean in turn that he thinks I might be dangerous and doesn’t trust me enough to give simple info like his name?
“Am I wrong to want to know the first and last name of a person I’m about to go and meet in a place I’m not from?”
Many were quick to agree that his response was a “red flag”.
One person wrote: “What kind of man would be annoyed about you being concerned about your safety?
“Just say it’s been nice getting to know him but not telling you his surname makes you uncomfortable and that’s not a good start to a relationship.”
Another weighed in: “It is perfectly reasonable that you wouldn’t feel safe travelling to an unfamiliar place with a stranger, with little information on him.
“The fact that it’s been turned around as if you’re the one offending him is very strange.”
A third added: “I’d be the same as you. I need every last detail before I go on a date so I can stalk them first and decide if I’m happy to meet.”
Others disagreed and suggested it wasn’t necessary in the early stages of courting.
One said: “I think for me if I was just meeting for a coffee and a chat with no expectations a first name would be fine.”
Another put: “I don’t think I’ve ever given a date my surname. If you’re meeting somewhere public then I personally don’t see the need and I would probably refuse to give mine that soon if they asked.”
A third added: “I wouldn’t be giving my surname out to a stranger… but my actual surname is one of a kind and makes me very easy to find online. Which freaks me out.
“It’s just personal preference I guess.”