I want freedom from family life and routine – I can’t wait for kids to grow up
DEAR DEIDRE: IT sounds harsh but I can’t wait for my children to grow up so I can have my old life back.
My partner and I are in our mid-thirties with two incredible children, aged seven and six.
We’ve been together for almost ten years.
I would do anything for them but I’m struggling with family life. My routine is work, family, work, family.
Before I settled down as a dad, I was an independent person and loved my own space.
I travelled the world and loved the freedom that came with it.
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Now I have a family, I can’t do any-thing that I love any more.
Worse still, my partner is a massive family person. She loves to spend every moment possible with the kids.
It’s just too much for me. This has always been an issue in our relationship.
It’s not that I don’t love them, but it is so intense.
I rarely go out with my friends, certainly don’t get to travel like I used to and barely get a lie-in.
I can’t help but dream about my old life.
I’m even fantasising about moving out and finding my own place.
That way, I could find my own freedom and have something of my life back and I could see my children on the weekends.
Despite this, I also don’t want to give up my partner, and know I would miss seeing my children every day.
The problem is, I want my freedom and my family. What can I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is so exhausting having a young family and working full-time, and it completely normal to feel a loss of identity.
While your life as a parent is never going to be the same as before, with the responsibility of having children, it is really important to keep in touch with friends and your passions.
Make sure you are spending time with your wife alone, to reaffirm why you chose each other.
Bottling up your feelings will not help, and I’d encourage you to talk to your wife about missing elements of the life you previously had.
Discuss whether you could save for a big trip away in a year or two. Your children will be that bit older, and easier to travel with.
Explain you are feeling a bit lost in family life and ask how she’s feeling.
My support pack How To Look After Your Relationship will help you strengthen the bond between you and your wife.