My wife has gone off sex completely – she says she hates the way she looks

DEAR DEIDRE: A SWITCH has been turned off in my wife’s head, she says, and it’s made her go off sex completely.

She has a bad back and takes painkillers, but is still mobile.

I’m 59 and my wife’s 58. We’ve been married for almost 30 years.

I work full-time and do most of the cleaning around the house.

My wife likes cooking and gardening, which she says is relaxing and helps with her mental health.

When we have had sex in the past, she told me she enjoyed it but had to force herself to do it.

I tell her how much I love her and how attractive she.

But she hates the way she looks. She’s slightly overweight but I think she is beautiful.

I’ve tried to encourage her to see her doctor but it falls on deaf ears.

I am at a loss as to what else to do.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are naturally upset to think your wife “forces herself” to have sex, even though she enjoyed it.

Although the phrase “forces herself” is strong, what she is describing is natural, as our sexual relationships evolve in long- term partnerships.

We transition from spontaneous desire to responsive desire, where we all need physical intimacy before feeling aroused.

Reassure her how much you still desire her, but don’t pressure her.

It’s common for women to lose interest in sex during menopause and this may be a cause.

My Menopause support pack explains more.