I love porn but my fiancée ended our relationship because of my addiction
DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiancée ended our relationship because of my porn addiction.
I’m 45 and my ex is 40.
We were together for more than ten years but four weeks before we were due to get married, she packed her bags and left.
Ever since I first looked at porn 25 years ago, I’ve been hooked.
I started off by watching it once or twice a week, but now I watch it at least three times a day.
Whenever my fiancée was in the shower or at work, I’d have a quick look on my tablet.
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It felt like a big dirty secret which gave me a thrill.
We still had sex, though not as regularly, but I didn’t think it was an issue.
However, when she saw my search history, she said she finally understood what happened to my libido.
She threw her toys out of the pram and left.
It didn’t help that I’d made excuses not to have sex for over five weeks.
She said I preferred these videos and other women but I’ve never looked at a woman in real life. The only woman I love is my fiancée.
I’ve called her and tried to explain that I’m just hooked on porn but she won’t believe me.
I don’t want our relationship to end.
I remember the day we first met. I knew as soon as I saw her at a friend’s barbecue she was the woman for me.
We got chatting and didn’t stop talking all night. The chemistry between us felt incredible, I’d never experienced anything like it at all.
It didn’t take long for us to become a couple and move in together.
Neither of us had been married but we do both have children from previous relationships.
Our kids got on and our families loved each other, everything fell into place and we don’t have any other serious issues.
How can I save my relationship?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Anything that affects the rest of your life detrimentally can be considered an addiction.
Porn is extremely addictive so it’s not surprising you’ve fallen into its grasp.
But you need to put your fiancée first and show her you’re prepared to change for her.
Perhaps if you seek help for your addiction, you can reassure her how seriously you are taking this.
The Laurel Centre can help you (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) to overcome this habit.
Tell her you want to work on your relationship and rebuild the trust you’ve destroyed.