Love Island: Beyond the Villa Recap: Having Fun and Living Life
I’m dying to know what the discussions looked like before the cast signed on to this project. Was there a PowerPoint presentation? A mood board? A reality-television comp-title syllabus to get everyone on the same page? My money is on “absolutely not” because every single cast member seems to be shooting a different show. Leah is doing her best Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Connor is flailing as The Bachelor. Kaylor is managing to pull off a decent Vanderpump Rules. Kendall and Liv are rebooting Jersey Shore. Kordell is doing a BTS Instagram Reel for a CeraVe commercial. It’s a real buffet of reality-TV flavors, and that’s before we consider the fact that Aaron — and likely others, too — doesn’t seem thrilled to be here at all.
Alas, Liv is at her Hollywood rental with Kendall. She puts out multiple platters of snacks, but JaNa comes over and eats a Fruit Roll-Up from her purse. They all rehash the Love Island Summer Party™ from the previous night. Kendall tries to convince everyone he likes this girl from the party named Alanah, but I’ve seen more chemistry between my kitchen sponge and the old nonstick pan I use to make scrambled eggs. They discuss the next production-sanctioned event: Connor’s birthday party. JaNa’s beef with Connor is still strong, so she will not attend. Liv is meh on it because she’s not sure about seeing Kaylor, which means obviously she’ll go. Liv goes on about how Kaylor had a spray tan booked the night of the boyfriend-birthday-party-snub saga. JaNa serves as the Greek chorus, and we all get to learn about spray-tan logistics. The whole thing reminds me of the part in Legally Blonde when Elle Woods uses perm best practices to exonerate her client, except completely devoid of joy.
When Leah, Serena, and Kaylor get drinks, Leah dishes on how she’d totally marry Miguel and how he’s healing things he didn’t break and giving her the words of affirmation she didn’t know she needed. Part of me wishes for a show exclusively about Leah and Miguel (or really any PPG couple) doing their little activities, like frolicking around the farm while Miguel does manual labor, but “Check out this couple” reality shows have a long history of relational disaster. Anyway, Kaylor is taking things to the next level with some guy she made out with in a porta-potty by saying his name out loud on national television. It’s “Kaleb” from “the Montana Boyz,” which is a “group that does thirst-trap TikToks and girls go crazy.” I did a deep dive on these gentlemen, and let’s just say they are not my type on paper. Leah and Serena play big sis for Kaylor and tell her she can just not see her ex Aaron that much if she doesn’t want to, because doing the least while retaining absolute magnetism is an option for this television program, and they are committed to it. Oh, and Kaylor still hasn’t spoken with Liv.
Meanwhile, Aaron has been minding his business, seeing dolphins, and focusing on his mental health — all activities that do not involve bothering women, so I’m all for it. Connor tries to convince Aaron to start dating ASAP, and the producers try to convince us to care about Connor at all. It’s not working! You know you’re a flop when gossiping about your drama-filled impending birthday party is less exciting than a spon-con shoot. Watching Kordell turn his teeth into a water gun and hearing Serena’s plans for keeping Kordell’s cat, Milo, off the kitchen counters? Genuinely riveting!
It’s interesting how much of this show seems to be filmed at various commercial sets. And while I wish there were more discussion about the psychological shift from being a normal hot girl to a hot girl with endless brand deals, at least it feels more real to film in the makeup trailer than on some clearly staged outing. Plus I support paycheck double-dipping, like JaNa and Kaylor running lines for a makeup commercial while also gossiping about Kaylor’s ongoing feud with Liv. JaNa is stuck in the middle and wants them to hash it out one-on-one since they’ll both be at “that one kid’s party.” JaNa is great at this, by the way. She’s pulling off a nice balance of getting lightly involved in the drama while also maintaining her own feud, which has an effervescent pro-wrestling-rivals vibe. Kaylor and Liv, take note!
Did y’all know it’s Connor’s birthday? He really wants us all to know it’s his birthday. He shows Aaron his birthday shopping spree and insists that Aaron change his black T-shirt because Connor wants to wear a black T-shirt. It’s all very “It’s my birthday weeeeeek” energy. Meanwhile, Kaylor’s true BFF, Caley, is in town from Pennsylvania. I can’t stop thinking about how bleak it was when Kaylor admitted last week how much happier she was before Love Island. Her eyes are watery as she laughs about how a year ago, Kaylor and Caley were running bottles to tables. Kaylor! It’s not too late! Go back to your old life! Approximately ten people are tuning in to this television program, so I’m confident that she could follow the Aaron post-villa mental-health protocol and be back to nervous-system stasis in less than 18 months if she gets on the next flight home with Caley. Instead, Kaylor recites Heather Gay’s “RECEIPTS! …” monologue and plots for her next Liv run-in.
Which is basically immediate at “that one kid’s party.” Connor works his way through a receiving line of other white guys in black shirts, then tries to convince us that Kendall Kaylor Caley Connor sounds like the name of a law firm. If your law firm sounds like this, may I suggest new representation? Someone with a fully cooked prefrontal cortex, perhaps? Relatedly, Aaron and Kaylor have a run-in in which Aaron proceeds to bust down the fourth wall by looking directly into the camera and saying, “Look, guys, I don’t have her blocked!” He then goes on to explain how there’s a hierarchy of friendship groups based on follower count, which is fascinating and exactly the kind of thing this show should be digging into. I did not expect Beyond the Villa to improve my perception of Aaron, but I am always prepared to change (or, at least temporarily, tweak) my opinion when presented with new information.
While the gang of sub–1 million followers is at Connor’s birthday party, JaNa, Kenny, Leah, and Miguel go bowling. There is exactly zero drama that transpires. Leah recommends a foster-dog organization that was founded by a billionaire heiress–David Beckham’s daughter-in-law. Like I said, Leah is doing A-plus Kardashian kosplay! JaNa wants to foster a dog with Kenny as a test of responsibility and communication because she wants four kids. JaNa also wants to step in and end the cold war between Kaylor and Liv. If none of these schemes works out, JaNa has an even clearer path to instant fan favorite on either The Ultimatum or The Traitors. I’m calling it here and now.
Back at the birthday party, Kendall and Connor jab at Aaron for not talking to girls since he left the villa. They try to wingman for him, and Aaron ends up gabbing to two women about the sheep he has in the U.K. and his plans to adopt donkeys that have been overworked. The girls look at him all icked out, as if this is somehow worse than whatever game someone like Kendall or Connor might spit. It makes zero sense to me, but then again, I do not go out in WeHo. Either way, I hope those girls got bountiful free beverages and left the party free of any man who associates himself with Connor.
Kaylor meanders around the function in her Scooby-Doo-looking dress and Fran Fine updo, refusing to make eye contact with Liv because both of them think the other person should make the first move. A server brings out a little piece of tiramisu with a candle in it, Connor blows out a lighter, and Kaylor and Liv manage to ignore each other the entire night.
If you thought, Wow, I’m surprised the producers let this birthday event rental go to waste, you are not alone. No worries, though, because JaNa steps in to shit-stir — er, mediate the situation by inviting Kaylor to a lunch where Liv is already there. If this were happening in real life, JaNa should have told neither of them instead of just Liv. Otherwise, you’re starting things off with a weird power dynamic on top of what’s already going on. But this is not real life, and I refuse to believe Kaylor was bamboozled, or we would have never heard the end of it.
Instead, she and Liv go back and forth yet again about glam, cameras, and being left out. Liv hints at a situation in which she was heartbroken after that night in the club, then Kaylor heard about it and didn’t text. Both of them refuse to disclose the situation, and on Beyond the Villa, this might just count as a cliffhanger. Because after that, Kaylor explains how she can’t trust liars after growing up with liars, and Liv should know this, having experienced these childhood liars firsthand in Pennsylvania. We are veering dangerously close to Kaylor using her therapist’s notes about her childhood trauma as receipts, as if these details will better develop her trust issues in the extended universe and help her “win” a feud. Whew, let us all remember she is 23 years old. But what do I know? Maybe she’ll bring this around somehow next week, because we’re slapped with the big ol’ “To Be Continued.”