Double Olympic champion Victoria Pendleton reveals cycling team doc saved her from suicidal overdose
DOUBLE Olympic gold-winning cyclist Victoria Pendleton was hell-bent on taking her own life.
Were it not for a single phone call, she would probably be dead.
Today, in a heart-breaking and exclusive interview, she reveals how it was only her friendship with British Cycling’s team psychiatrist Dr Steve Peters — “the head mechanic” — that gave her the strength to go on living.
He was the man she called and brought her back from the brink — then counselled her through more suicidal thoughts that continued for two months.
Victoria, 38, says: “When I was at my lowest point, I rang Steve. It was at a ridiculous hour in the morning, he picked up and I said I didn’t want to go on. But he talked to me and helped me rationalise and try to remove myself from that mindset. He saved me.”
Victoria — who appeared on the recent Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins and broke down over the collapse of her marriage — began calling Steve regularly after she took part. He is now one of her closest friends.
But it took her time to recover, at mum Pauline’s house in Herts.
Victoria — who dazzled on Strictly in 2012 alongside pro Brendan Cole — says: “I was up and down. I had good days then days when I was crying. I was like, ‘Mum, I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to be here — and when I say ‘here’ I don’t mean here with you’.
“I’d fantasise about all kinds of things — whether I’d hang myself, slit my wrists. It sounds melodramatic but I can honestly say, from the bottom of my heart, I was minutes away from calling it a day.”
‘A POSITIVE IN EVERYTHING’
She turned to Steve again recently after the death of one of the Doberman dogs she shared with her ex-husband — a loss she admits could have tipped her over the edge.
She says of Steve: “I feel very lucky to have someone like that in my life. He is great at giving me advice. Sometimes he explains things to me and I immediately feel better.
“If I am struggling, I give him a call and he will say, ‘Ring any time, I am always happy to catch up with you’.”
Victoria is now an amateur jockey and dedicated vegan whose passion for horses and healthy, plant-based food has helped her recover from terrifying depression that saw her weight fall below 8st.
This is the first time she has spoken about how Steve saved her last year and became such an important figure in her life.
Steve, 65, has worked with a host of sports stars to help them conquer anxiety and fear to develop winning mentalities. He has also written books The Chimp Paradox, My Hidden Chimp and The Silent Guides.
Former Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers, who recruited him to work for the club in 2012, described Steve as “a genius and such an understanding guy”, while ex-Reds midfielder Steven Gerrard said: “He’s the best. I’ve played my most consistent for Liverpool and England since seeing Steve.”
Five-time world snooker champ Ronnie O’Sullivan credits him with turning around a terrifying slump in his form, saying: “Steve helped me reprogramme my belief system, bring me into reality.”
He was also recruited to help the England football team in 2014, during Roy Hodgson’s time as boss, while cyclist Sir Chris Hoy said he “helped me win my Olympic golds”.
Victoria, a nine-time world champion who won sprint gold at Beijing 2008 and in the keirin event at London 2012, once said of him: “Steve is the most important person in my career.”
‘I CREDIT STEVE WITH CHANGING MY LIFE’
Their friendship goes back to 2004, when Victoria, then 23, was self-harming with scissors and on the verge of quitting cycling just months ahead of that year’s Athens Olympics.
Sheffield University lecturer Steve had just started as British Cycling’s psychiatrist and was introduced to her to see if he could help.
Victoria later recalled: “That day, in May 2004, was a major turning point, and I credit Steve with changing my life and turning my career around.
“He wanted to settle me as a person first because, if I was happier, I’d perform better.
“He helped me understand what drives me and, for the first time in years I felt I had a choice — that my feelings were something I could control and change.
“I’m not a natural optimist but Steve showed me there’s a positive in everything if you look for it.”
Victoria turned to Steve again after she split last June from husband Scott Gardner, 41, a sports scientist. They divorced the following month.
The couple had been together for ten years and got married in 2014, two years after she retired from cycling following London 2012.
Victoria still lives in the Oxfordshire house she shared with Scott. In an interview for World Meat Free Week, for which she is an ambassador, she says of her divorce: “I perceive my marriage not as a failure, just as an evolution. Unfortunately, Scott and I have been in touch recently because one of our dogs passed away and the last conversation we had was a little sad.”
In April last year, Victoria had also tried to climb Mount Everest with TV presenter Ben Fogle for a CNN documentary — but she became ill and had to quit before they could get to the summit.
She says: “I was diagnosed with severe depression and started taking quite a lot of medication.
‘I JUST THOUGHT, I DON’T WANT TO SEE TOMORROW’
“I was on anti-depressants, beta blockers, tranquillisers and sleeping tablets. But it didn’t suit me, wasn’t helping me feel myself, so I went cold turkey.”
It was then that she hit rock bottom and stockpiled prescription pills, ready to take an overdose.
She said of that June day: “It must have been 6.30am. I had been awake for hours. I remember lying there with tears rolling down my face. I was so low, so helpless. I just thought, ‘I don’t want to see tomorrow’.” Then she called Steve, who kept her talking until her twin brother Alex could get to her house and take away the pills.
Victoria is now in a better place but insists she is too busy to find a new partner, saying: “I haven’t been dating at all. I spend most of my time hanging out at the yard with my two horses, then barely have time to do my admin at home.”
It was claimed earlier this year that Victoria had joined dating app Tinder, but she denies this. She says: “Someone screen-grabbed photos off Instagram, set up an account and was pretending to be me. But I hope they get lucky and have some great dates out of it. I can’t imagine why someone would want to set up a fake account but, if it makes them happy, so be it.”
Victoria is not sure she will ever settle down again. She says: “I don’t know if I will have kids. Only time will tell. I need to find someone to share my life with first.
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“I have no idea if I will get married again but I don’t think I need to get married because I am independent.
“You grow up thinking you want to marry a rich man, the prince of the castle. There is this thing ingrained in us women to think we need someone to look after us.
“But it is ridiculous. I want to own the castle.”