WTF? Jeet Kune Don’t

From flailing punches to graceful big boys, we got a lot to go through this week.

Time for your Weird Wednesday fix, and we’ve got plenty to plug right into your veins this week.

As sommeliers of the obscure and less-organized forms of hand to hand combat, we focus a lot on things that exist on the periphery of mainstream combat sports here, but today we’re going to start out with going back to the roots of what the MMA format once was.

Courtesy of Fight Commentary Breakdowns, we’ve got a Vale Tudo match from the 90s featuring a Jeet Kune Do practitioner taking on a Greco-Roman wrestler. Is it good? It’s very good. The JKD guy isn’t as lost on the ground, but he spends most of the fight sitting in the Greco guy’s guard. If you’re good with some of the grit from this era, there’s headbutts and not much stalling involved. Spoiler alert: the JKD guy doesn’t win, but the finish does come almost out of nowhere, and that’s a great thing. Seriously, check this one out:

But that’s not all, Jerry’s also treating us to two hobbyists in a boxing match that is... not great. The objective here isn’t ridicule so much as it’s about trying to see different people trying different things. See, one of them is also a JKD fighter, while the other is a sometime boxing enthusiast. Also, peep the CK shirt on the ref. I dunno, it’s a nice touch.

And no, it’s not good, really. But it does kind of show how some folks with different training backgrounds try to fare in other disciplines or at least different environments. But the match itself is terrible. It’s hard to tell who is the boxer and who is the JKD-trained fighter. You’d probably do better by stepping into the ring with either of these guys after watching one of those surreal Steve Fox compilation videos. It’s two guys clearly out of shape and out of their depth, and it’s a good thing that they fought each other instead of someone that could really hurt them.

We’ll end this segment with some legitimately great technique. No spoilers for this one, though. Come for the curiosity factor, stay for the dramatic twist and lovely show of sportsmanship:

STRELKA time is upon us yet again. Just in time for the new Michael Schumacher documentary, this dude decided to channel that spirit wearing his F1 gear and finish this fight with the quickness. The striking is dorky and the reactive guillotine looks ho-hum, because we’ve seen this a million times. Except this time, the guy knows what he’s doing and makes small adjustments to get the tap while the other dude tries to punch his way out. He realizes that all hopes for a better tomorrow are futile, accepts humility and defeat, then does the honorable thing and taps before he passes out and pisses himself:

Next we have two schlubby fat dudes getting in that work. But first, a caveat.

It is scientifically proven that wearing Polo clothing gives you extra horsepower. But one of our next contestants miscalculated this equation, and assumed that any shirt that falls under the category of being a polo was good enough. It was not. He looked like he was going for the Morishima back drop, but ended up landing with a thud and getting dominated. After wriggling out of mount (mostly because the other guy kind of eased up), the chunkier of the two (wearing the black shirt) got caught in a guillotine and tapped before he got sent to whatever version of Valhalla the former middle managers from Circuit City got sent to. I don’t make the rules. It’s the game being the game.

In case you were wondering, yes — there is more Dambe this week. It’s a nail-biter that goes real close. A very tense affair that feels like watching a western, but with punches.:

Finally, we’ve got some fresh Sumo highlights that feature some pretty big moments courtesy of World of Sumo:

As well as this gorgeous finish courtesy of SumoSoul on Twitter:

That’s the end of the ride, kids. Take your vitamins and stay away from the horse paste. And remember - you might think you can fight, but there are many guys like you all over the world.