Ranking the 9 games -- including dodgeball, longest drive and 'Kick Tac Toe' -- from the NFL's new Pro Bowl lineup

The NFL's quest to reform the Pro Bowl means 2023's version is filled with mini-games. Let's rank them all.

The NFL has fixed the Pro Bowl.

Well, no, that’s not quite right. The NFL is *trying* to fix the Pro Bowl.

The league understands it’s the home to the lamest all-star game among the major sports after years of apathy as players run half speed into two-hand touch tackles weeks after their season, for most, has come to an end. Pro Bowl highlights have been hard to come by since Sean Taylor (may he rest in peace) lit up punter Brian Moorman. So instead of hoping players will suddenly take a game that doesn’t matter and treat it with at least the vigor of a preseason date, the NFL decided to shake things up.

The Pro Bowl is no more. In its place? The Pro Bowl Games.

The Pro Bowl Games is sort of what Mario Party was to the original Super Mario Bros. games. It’s a smattering of mini-games derived from a longstanding franchise. Whichever side wins the most mini-games wins the title, which is nice but ultimately meaningless. Either way, it’s a significant departure from the utterly non-essential exhibitions of years passed.

What will these games consist of? Well, it’s kind of a lot to get through.

This is tremendous. The 2023 Pro Bowl Games skills competitions are out and… I can’t wait to tell my kids when they get home from school that NFL players will play all their games pic.twitter.com/D9i4gAIfAv

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) January 11, 2023

In short, it’s

• Epic Pro Bowl Dodgeball: A multi-round tournament of classic dodgeball.
• Lightning Round: A three-part elimination challenge that will leave one player left at the end to earn three points for his conference.
• Longest Drive: Four players from each conference will compete in a challenge to drive a golf ball the furthest distance off a tee.
• Precision Passing presented by EA SPORTS Madden NFL 23 Mobile: Each of the conference’s three quarterbacks will battle it out in a one-minute accuracy competition, as they attempt to accumulate points by hitting as many targets as possible.
• Best Catch presented by Uber Eats: Two players from each conference will compete in a best catch competition, showing off their creativity, inventiveness and talent.
• Gridiron Gauntlet: A side-by-side relay race showcasing strength, speed and agility, six players from each conference will compete to see who finishes first.
• Kick Tac Toe: Each team’s kicker, punter and long snapper compete in a giant Tic-Tac-Toe competition to showcase their respective skills.
• Move The Chains: Four teams (two from each conference) compete side by side in a weighted wall pull that will showcase their strength, speed and ingenuity.

The Pro Bowl Games skills competitions will have cumulative scoring leading up to the flag football games on Sunday. Each event is worth three points. There will be at least two flag football games, with a third to be played if necessary, where the winner gets six points per victory. The side that finishes with the most points takes home a trophy Jason Witten once broke in front of a television audience of hundreds.

lovable galoot Jason Witten broke the Pro Bowl trophy pic.twitter.com/nXKiNqNvta

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) January 27, 2019

Which events are worth tuning in for? Good question. Let’s rank them.