Alabama Matchup Gives Texas One More Chance to Prove Longhorns Are Back

Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football, where one FCS game simply came down to who wanted it less (audio up for this one):

Third Quarter: Pac-12 Football Picked Terrible Time for Hot Start | Second Quarter: Dabo Swinney and Clemson Look Outdated | First Quarter: Colorado Seizes Moment

Fourth Quarter: A brief history of erroneous “TEXAS IS BACK” declarations

You might have heard that Texas plays Alabama on Saturday in Tuscaloosa. History tells us that it’s unwise to get excited about the Longhorns until they have done something to merit said excitement, but for whatever reason that isn’t the way this sport works. Example: Texas was picked to win the Big 12 this year, despite not having done so since 2009 or playing in the championship game since ’18.

Texas is always presumed to be back, or on the way back, or just a play or two away from being back, or something. You can even check a website www.istexasbackyet.com for updates on the Horns’ impending, inevitable arrival at the revival.

This anticipatory naïveté has gone on for more than a decade and become a running joke, just waiting for the next opportunity to trot it out again. Saturday is it, when the alleged best Texas team in 14 seasons—with a preseason AP ranking of No. 11—visits Bryant-Denny Stadium. In anticipation, The Dash has compiled a list of the times Texas was presumed back, and what happened.

2010: Texas hasn’t even gone away yet (31). The Horns are coming off an appearance in the BCS Championship Game against Alabama. Although they’ve lost star quarterback Colt McCoy, optimism runs high for new starter Garrett Gilbert, based largely on his occasional big plays in relief of injured McCoy against the Crimson Tide. Preseason AP ranking: No. 5.

What happened: After starting 3-0, Mack Brown’s sluggish offense catches up with the Horns. They score 12 points in a blowout loss to UCLA, starting a streak of seven straight games of 22 points or fewer—six of them losses. Gilbert is not the heir to Vince Young and McCoy. Longtime offensive coordinator Greg Davis resigns. Texas goes 5-7. Two seasons later, Brown is fired.

2014: Charlie Strong arrives to modernize the program (32). Having gone 23-3 his final two seasons at Louisville, Strong is brought in to energize things after the slide into old-school comfort in the final years under Brown. Among Strong’s attributes: he recruited quarterback Teddy Bridgewater, which resonates with a school that somehow didn’t recruit or misevaluated Texans Robert Griffin III, Johnny Manziel and Andrew Luck. (Who needs them when you have Gilbert and David Ash?) Preseason AP ranking: No. 15.

What happened: Strong proves a bad fit for the big spotlight. The Horns open 3-5, with blowout losses to BYU, Baylor and Kansas State. Texas finishes the regular season with a mauling from TCU and loses the bowl game to ancient rival Arkansas to finish 6-7.

2016: Charlie Strong beats Notre Dame to start the season (33). Starting his third season under some fire, Strong quickly changes the tenor of things with a rousing, 50-47 shootout victory over the Fighting Irish behind freshman quarterback Shane Buechele. Notre Dame was on its way to a 4-8 flop, but the world had seen enough. Texas was back. Preseason AP ranking: Not ranked. After beating Notre Dame: No. 11.

What happened: Strong, who hangs his hat on defense, watches his Horns give up 50 to California, 49 to Oklahoma State and 45 to Oklahoma to drop to 2-3. Then the offense gives out at season’s end, scoring a total of 50 points in three straight losses. Texas finishes 5-7 and Strong is fired.

2017: Tom Herman arrives to modernize the program (34). The last modernization didn’t go so well, but Herman is a sure thing. He just revived Houston, and before that worked for Urban Meyer at a similarly massive football factory, Ohio State. It will take a while, but Texas clearly is on the way back. Preseason AP ranking: No. 23.

What happened: Herman gets hung up on urine color, swings a soft sledgehammer, loses the opener to Maryland and proceeds to go 7-6.

2018: Texas beats Georgia in the Sugar Bowl (35). Despite Herman’s underwhelming debut year, the Horns are ranked in the preseason yet again (No. 23) and actually have their best year since ’09. They go 9-4 with a loss to Oklahoma in the Big 12 championship game, earning a berth in the Sugar Bowl against a Georgia team that narrowly missed the College Football Playoff. The Bulldogs have checked out for the bowl game, Bevo bullies UGA on the sidelines, and the Horns pull off a 28-21 upset as a 12-point underdog. Texas could not possibly be more back. Preseason AP ranking for 2019: No. 10.

What happened: After starting 4-1—with the only loss to eventual national champion LSU—it’s Horns down the rest of the way. Texas loses four of its next six and finishes 8-5. Herman makes it to 2020, but is fired after going 7-3 amid the pandemic. Steve Sarkisian is hired to modernize the program.

2022: Texas loses close game to Alabama (36). In the second game under Sark, the unranked Horns push No. 1 Alabama to the brink before losing 20-19 on a final-play field goal. Embracing its moral victory, Texas is clearly going to be back. AP ranking after losing and still entering the poll: No. 21.

What happened: Horns go on to lose four more times by one score, finishing 8-5. But that only sets the stage for 2023, when Texas absolutely will be back. And back big. Just wait.

Iowa’s drive for 325

The greatest stat watch in the sport will be Iowa’s quest to win seven games and average 25 points per game, both of which are now contractual necessities for Iowa nepo baby offensive coordinator Brian Ferentz (37) to retain his job. That will require the Hawkeyes to score 325 points in 13 games, which could create some dramatic tension. As long this remains in doubt, The Dash is here for the countdown.

Game 1 update: Iowa scored 24 points in a win over Utah State, with touchdowns on its first two possessions and then just 10 points over the final 11.

Points now required: 301.

Ahead of pace, on pace or behind pace: behind pace, albeit only by a point.

Next up: rival Iowa State, which only allowed nine points in an opening win over Northern Iowa.

Iowa’s average scoring vs. Iowa State the last five meetings: 21.8.

Could it get any more dramatic than this? The Dash thinks not.

Coach who earned his comp car this week

Jesse Minter (38), Michigan. The interim coach of the Wolverines somehow kept the nation’s No. 2 team on track with a 30-0 victory over East Carolina. It was an emotional scene in the Big House, with the offense coming out in the famously weird “centipede” formation, an homage to head coach Jim Harbaugh, who devised that a couple of years back. Given the fact that Harbaugh has passed away, this was a touching tribute.

Oh, wait, Harbaugh is alive and well? And only suspended for three games? By the school itself? For alleged NCAA violations?

OK then, this was absurdly melodramatic. But nice job by Minter anyway.

Coach who should take the bus to work

Joey McGuire (39), Texas Tech. Oh, the Red Raiders were the buzz team in the Big 12. They were the next Hot Flash up, destined to be the latest team to get into that league’s championship-game rotation after six different programs made it in the past three years. Just one problem: an opener scheduled at Wyoming, at 7,200 feet elevation. Tech went from Guns Up to Belly Up, losing 35-33 in overtime to a Cowboys squad picked to finish sixth in the Mountain West.

Point after

When hungry and thirsty in the football Mecca of Fort Worth, The Dash recommends a perfectly grilled steak (duh) at Wicked Butcher and a $Galaxy IPA from Texas-based Turning Point Beer (40). If you’re dining solo, don’t worry—someone will show up to talk football with you soon enough. Try it and thank The Dash later.