The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Stephen Miller

White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller has been the force behind many of President Trump’s hard-line policies, including a “zero tolerance” immigration system, the Muslim ban, and, most recently, threats to annex Greenland. The Onion sat down with the “America First” policymaker to discuss his time in the administration.

The Onion : How do you approach immigration policy?

Miller: Erect.

In 2025, 32 people died in ICE custody. How does that make you feel?

Heartbroken over the thousands still breathing.

Have you ever met an actual immigrant?

Of course. Many are still alive when I clean out the traps.

Your own family members have condemned you for your role in the Trump administration. Have you tried to make amends?

They’re the descendants of immigrants. Who cares what they think?

You’ve stated that Trump has “plenary authority.” What did you mean by that?

I was told there’d be softball questions like “What’s the most inferior race?” or “What’s your favorite genocide technique?”

What would you say to those who call you a white supremacist?

Thank you.

How does it feel to know that any of your colleagues would gladly gut you if it meant just a bit more power?

Oh, we gut each other all the time. A knife in the stomach was how I knew I’d earned Susie Wiles’ respect.

How do you want to be remembered?

By an all-white country.

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