Finally I get to judge other people's barbecues in an official capacity

'I'm going to take you from being an eater… to being an evaluater!" said an earnest man from Kansas called Wayne, hoping to transform me into an international £50,000-cash-prize barbecue competition judge. We peered, as one, into a Styrofoam carton filled with barbecued brisket. I am not great – under normal circumstances – at eating meat while pondering its origin. Let alone after spending two hours learning how brisket is the scraggiest, most collagen-filled section of the doomed cow it's been pilfered from. But with great power comes great responsibility.