This masterpiece is not the Waluigi movie script we want, but it’s the one we deserve

Waluigi might not be in the upcoming Super Smash Brothers game, but he’s still in the hearts of gamers across the internet who like their anti-heroes tall, dark, and pointily mustachioed.

One of these fans, who simply goes by “Asher,” has gone so far as to pen a dark, Lynchian reboot starring none other than that other purple prince, Waluigi. The plot — if you can call it that — involves shadowy figures, a closeted romance between Waluigi and Wario, and hundreds of empty wallets. Other characters from across the Mario universe make their own cameos across the script’s nearly 90 pages of insanity.

We were originally tipped off about the script by a friend of The Verge, who saw this mysterious poster stuck to a local mailbox. Scanning...

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