There’s no hope for my marriage after I lost my temper in front of our toddler
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I threw a cup at my wife in front of our young son, I realised it was time to end my marriage.
Our arguments have wrecked our relationship and things have gone too far. I can’t see a way back.
My wife and I have been married for five years and we have two sons, aged three and 18 months.
I am 34 and she’s 31.
Everything has been a struggle for the past year.
The other day, I lost my temper during breakfast. I was holding a cup and I threw it at her. It smashed on the wall really close to her – I just lost control. But our three-year-old was in the room and he was so scared, he burst into tears.
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The realisation I had upset him made me feel absolutely terrible. I’m not a violent person, so this reaction means things are dreadfully wrong.
My wife says I need help, but I think it’s the relationship that’s the problem.
Although I’m sad to admit it, I believe it would be better for everyone if we called it quits.
DEIDRE SAYS: You lashed out because you were stressed and frustrated. As you know, it wasn’t OK to throw the cup.
Your wife is right that it would be a good idea for you to get help with your temper.
Even if you were to end your relationship, your unresolved anger issues would rise again, perhaps with another partner.
It would be better to face up to the root cause – your anger. My support pack, Anger Management, has helpful advice.
Seeing you argue like this isn’t good for the children. But you might be able to repair your relationship.
If you want to give your marriage a chance, consider couple’s counselling. Contact Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).