From GP waiting times to cost of living and energy – we put a smile back on Sun readers’ faces thanks to our top gags
BAD weather, being driven potty by potholes and train strikes . . . some might say it’s beyond a joke.
But scientific studies show that laughter truly is the best medicine as it contributes to good health and can even boost your immunity.
Here, Sarah Arnold has sourced some of the best puns and gags, covering everything from GP waiting times to the cost of living and even rising energy rates, to put a smile back on readers’ faces.
GP appointments:
I TRIED to get a doctor’s appointment today. They said to me, “How about ten tomorrow?” I said: “Just one is enough.”
WHO do you call when you need a doctor immediately? The nearest golf course.
PATIENT: “Doctor, doctor – I’m going to die in 59 seconds.” Doctor: “Hang on, I’ll be there in a minute.”
TWO years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven’t heard from him since.
Train strikes
WHAT’S the difference between the RMT and lightning? Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.
HOW do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks.
WHY did the ghost get fired during a train strike? He couldn’t co-ordinate the skeleton service.
Potholes
WHAT do you call a street full of potholes and ice cream? Rocky Road.
THE guys fixing the potholes on our road have vanished . I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.
WHAT’S the difference between a pothole and a regular hole? One is higher than the other.
Energy bills
I OPENED my electric bill and my water bill at the same time. I was shocked.
DATE: I’m instantly attracted to men with power. Me: I’ve just paid my electricity bill.
WHEN I was younger I was afraid of the dark. Now I see the electric bills and I’m afraid of the light.
I CAN’T afford to pay my electric bill. These are the darkest days of my life . . .
Weather
I ASKED my Siri speaker: “Surely the weather isn’t going to be this miserable again tomorrow?” She replied: “Yes it will be – and don’t call me Shirley”.
DON’T trust a forecast of a change in the weather for the better. It’s just a front.
WHAT’S worse than raining cats and dogs in Britain this month? Hailing taxis.
Cost of living
SUPERMARKETS are putting up the price of vodka by 1p to £20 from tomorrow. So tonight I’m going to party like it’s £19.99.
MY local Chinese keeps putting its prices up due to the electricity bill. I said they should turn off some of their lights. They said they do dim sum.
PETROL prices are so high these days I used vodka in my mower. Now my grass is half cut.