Wife destroyed our family with affair and now wants me to move out of the house

DEAR DEIDRE: WE have been bickering for months, now my wife wants me out within the week.

She won’t even look at me, let alone talk to me.

She left me a crushing note on the kitchen table last night that simply read: “We both need to move on. It’s for the best. Please leave the house by the weekend.”

But why should I be the one to go? She is the one who has destroyed our family by having an affair with her ex.

I’m 42 and she is 39. We have a son, 11, and a daughter, eight, and I can’t bear to lose them.

I was prepared to forgive her and I’d do anything to patch things up.

I’ve moved to the spare room in the hope that by giving her a bit of space, she will calm down enough to consider trying to save our marriage.

I think she wants me out of the way so she can carry on her affair.

I’ve always been a good dad, spending plenty of time with the kids and bringing in a decent wage as a project manager.

I provided a lovely home and decent holidays for my family.

And although both our names are on the title deeds, I am the one who pays the mortgage as my wife is a stay-at-home mum.

So why should I be the one to move out?

DEIDRE SAYS: It really is a heartbreaking discovery you have made.

It does sound as if your wife is adamant your marriage is over, so it may be best to focus on how you make your current situation more bearable.

As your name is on the deeds, she cannot force you out.

But please bear in mind your children will be picking up on the tension in your home.

Try to put their needs first when it comes to considering your next steps.

It would be worth reminding your wife to do the same.

Going to see a relationship counsellor would be beneficial to both you and your children and would help you deal with this challenging time with dignity and consideration.

My support pack, When Parents Fall Out, offers more insight.

Tavistockrelationships.org will help you find a reputable therapist.